Since being pregnant with my 5th child I distanced myself from my mother. I used to spend a lot of time with her up until then. I originally thought I distanced myself from her due to hormones and because my sister used to come to me complaining about her a lot so it kinda made my feelings towards her worse but now 11 weeks after giving birth I still feel extremely angry at her. I think ive finally realised a lot of stuff and 'woke up' to things that I have probably bottled up over the years. In my opinion she was very selfish. I have had OCD since I was a child and she must have noticed my rituals as even my little sister noticed but she never took me to the doctors so I still have it now as a 28 year old adult. If she would have got me help as a child I might not have the same difficulties now. I also had SVT heart condition which I have since as as an adult got checked out after suffering years of symptoms since childhood that she didn't bother to get me help for.. I literally suffered as a child with these things. She was so wrapped up in herself and still is. Al she cared about was whether her and my step dad had enough booze and cigarettes in the house. Booze wools alphas come first and we would eat the most processed crap going just so they could afford booze. My step dad warned avoid wage but we always seemed to eat crap.. Never had new clothes and literally walked round like tramps. I have little memories of child hood as if my mind has blocked it put bit recently I've started to resent her so much and don't want her near me. She wants to come up tonight and I've said yes and I will try to be nice as kids wants to see their nana as well but how do I stop flipping out at her. She also expects me to cook a separate meal for her coz she doesn't want to eat what we are eating... This is how selfish she is
Something else happened to me on childhood That I can only remember small details about as well that o now realise was wrong. How do I get over this?