Struggling to deal with my feelings! Help 😔

[user1471988580]

Hello! Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to talk to someone!
I have been with my partner 9 years, we have a 5 year old together. Basically things got a bit rocky a few months back. We started arguing and one night had an explosive one and he ended it and left. I stayed with our mutual friends and for some stupid reason ended up spending the night with one of our mutual male friends. Never have I looked at him in this way before, we hang with him all the time. It just happened I think because I was upset and he had stuff going on too.
We regretted it instantly and didn't talk for a week. My partner and I started talking and decided we were gonna try and work on things. I started speaking to our friend again and we decided it was a silly mistake and we weren't going to let it ruin our group, so we forgot it. But for some reason it brought us closer and we started to confide in each other, nothing wrong with that, yeah? We began talking everyday (still both not thinking a it's weird, we've been friends for so long) we were each other's comfort blankets!
I then started to get jealous of girls near him and realised I have feelings for him (stupid me, my own fault!)
So then one night we were out at a party and for some stupid reason, ended up in a threesome with me him and my partner (I won't go into details, it just sort of happened!) But I seriously don't know what to do! I love my partner but can't get the other guy out of my head! My heart races when we talk!
Don't really know what advice I'm looking for as I know I am a stupid person and it's all my own fault, I just feel so alone! My partner is 27 and works night 10pm -7am. And sleeps most of the day so I don't get to see him much as I work part time during the day too.
My whole head is messed up! How could I let it get this far? Do I tell my partner and deal with the outcome? I'm so annoyed at myself!
😩😩😩

Even with the rest of it, for someone who claims it is not their area of expertise, that's a lot of advice to come up with.

Have you appointed yourself the thread police tonight or summat?

I can post where and what I like, as long as I don't break talk guidelines. Do you think I have?

I've never had a threesome. Nor have other posters on this thread. But I know as much as the average MNer - maybe even a bit more - about relationships. And this thread is in the relationships topic.

Of course threesomes don't just happen* without some prior discussion. It's ridiculous to suggest that a couple who are monogamous would suddenly decide to have a threesome one night while drunk and that there be no after effects on the relationship. And that's before the fact that the OP's DP was essentially engaging in sexual behaviour with a man the OP had had a one night stand with without his knowledge.

Threesomes with couples can just happen but it's not often that it works out well after.

The thing is 'it didn't just happen', the threesome presented you with an opportunity to be physical again with someone you are already emotionally attached to. Does your partner know about you sleeping with your friend in the past and your current unresolved feelings? If not, your threesome shagging a bloke you have feelings for in plain sight isn't as innocent as you make it out to be.

This really isn't as difficult as you want it to be. Limit contact with your 'friend' and resolve the issues in your relationship or, end your relationship with your OH. Given the strength of your feelings, 'staying friends' with the object of your affections will only end in tears.

somerville no, talking out of your arse is not against the guidelines, you are right.

Charming.

Other posters have since said exactly the same as me.

Why is it just me posting out of my arse?

Sounds more like you have an issue with me. In which case, whatever dude. Life's too short.

Does your partner know about you sleeping with your friend in the past and your current unresolved feelings?

Isn't the whole point of the thread what to do and whether to tell him or not?

RockyBird - what's wrong? You seem very aggressive towards one poster when many would, and do, feel the same as Somerville.

If one half of a couple is able to start kissing another person in front of their partner and then said partner joins in, it's either that it's an established open relationship or the initial kisser doesn't care about their partner.

for some stupid reason ended up spending the night with one of our mutual male friends
for some reason it brought us closer and we started to confide in each other
for some stupid reason, ended up in a threesome

The 'stupid reason' here being 'because I wanted to'. You're an adult - own your choices without this crap.

Isn't the whole point of the thread what to do and whether to tell him or not?

First, the Op has to admit to herself that she's emotionally and physically involved with this 'friend' and given the language she uses to distance herself from her actions, she clearly isn't there yet.

Declares a M in an MMF to be bisexual, ooh the shame. Backtracks, thanking the chief sky fairy that they are not an expert. Continues to advise on the scenario they are not an expert in. Talking bollocks by own admission. Not appreciating when this is pointed out to them.

Ok then.

I think you are the one making a fool of yourself here.

The whole of mumsnet has posters advising on, and discussing, things they have no real experience in or of.

I think that Rocky is best ignored since, other than threesomes it seems clear they are clueless. .

WannaBe

And ta, gtbawesome

Rockybird Call me stupid or prudish or religious or whatever else you think I am, but don't make out that I'm homophobic. (I think that does break talk guidelines, actually.)
Anyone can search me and see that I'm none of the things you are trying to imply. Unlike you, since your posting history only goes back 5 days.

Rocky you've possibly bitten off a bit more than you can chew with Somer, I'd back away gracefully.

Oooh is this the start of a Somer's-well-hard-so-don't-mess-with-her reputation?

I'd love to never again get picked on!

< puts out the popcorn>

Salty snack anyone ?

Tough and impressive.
yawn

Yep. Definitely an emotional affair. Just stop the daily texting. Agree to communication only when you're both out with the friendship group. You do know you have control over this don't you?

I think Rocky's namechanged again been scared off.

I'm suffering with insomnia ATM so could have gone on all night. But rather glad I don't have to

Gosh I feel sorry for your partner, how is he going to feel when he finds out you had this threesome after having already slept with him! It seems you only had the threesome so you could be with this other bloke again.

Scared off?

Where did I say you were a homophobe? I won't be searching your other posts, thanks, I've seen enough here.

It's not just me asking you to stop. Quite a few other people have also told you that you should back off me.