I've posted about my mum a fair bit on other people's threads, but after this weekend she's made me quite upset and I just want some advice I guess. It's a long introduction so I don't want to drip feed, apologies!
My relationship with DM is very superficial. She likes everyone to think we're really close but in reality, we barely talk and although I visit them maybe once every 2-3 weeks, my parents have visited me once in 5 years.
We live in the same city, about 7 miles apart, I'm about one mile south of the centre and they are 6 miles north. They drive whereas I don't have a car, so it actually takes 2 buses or 2 trains and about 70 minutes to get to them.
DF and I share a couple of hobbies, so we see each other more frequently.
I've been engaged since last August, getting married in 2 weeks in the city centre. Just after Christmas, DM asked me if I had a plan for the actual wedding day. I told her we'd be getting our hair and makeup done in my cousin/her niece's salon in town, then getting dressed either in my flat or a hotel suite before going to the venue.
About 3 hours later (bearing in mind how little we talk), she called and said she had a great plan, that we should all get ready at their house and then I should hire some vintage cars to drive us to the venue. I said that's not going to work (classic MN response!), and listed off about 8 reasons why.
I didn't include that she's a really heavy smoker and has 2 massive dogs that are totally untrained, and I don't fancy smelling like dogs & fags and being covered in slobber. She said ok, and nothing more.
She asked a couple times over the next few months and I say the plan hasn't changed, we're just trying to find a bargain hotel room to get ready in.
Anyway, this weekend she asks again, and I said the plan still hasn't changed but we've now booked a massive suite in a hotel opposite the wedding venue, more than enough room for all the women to get ready in. She said, "Ok, well I want to get ready at home so what time shall I get to the venue?".
I then said it would mean a lot to me if my mum was there to help me get ready on my wedding day, and she said she would, but only if I got ready at their house. She mentioned that she wanted to arrive with my dad, and I mentioned he will be there early anyway. Then she said she had to arrive with my brother and his DP, and I said they can share a taxi with my aunt and uncle who live between us all. Then she said someone would need to let the dogs out for a wee, and I mentioned that she'd already told me she's paying a teenager in the village to check on them every 2 hours.
So I stopped asking about it. I know it's not the end of the world but I thought she'd want to be a part of my day.
I said in the title, I don't think she's abusive but has a history of just being crap. Never visiting, making excuses not to see me, putting me down every now and then and little inconsiderate things.
What do I do? Should I just give up?
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Having a pretty crap, but not abusive mum?
10 replies
Sonders · 23/08/2016 14:16
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