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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So confused, please give any opinions :(

12 replies

Prettyfull · 30/01/2007 21:27

Ok,..long story short. Me & dp were together 3 1/2 years. We hav dd who is 2. We split up 5 months ago bcoz of cheating. He was having an affair and slept with 2 women while we hav been together. I must add i also am not an angel! When dp was not giving me any attention as such,and i knew about his cheating, i also cheated terible i know

Since spliting up, the first 3 months he was begging for me back and said he'd realised what he'd done wrong, but i wasnt ready for getting back with him. Now hes moved on hes slept with 8 other women since we split and has just got back from 2weeks in the Carribean with one of these women

I dont know why, or what it is and i cant help my feelings but i still love him and now want him back. I just dont know if i can get over what he has done since we split as i have been at home with dd and i havnt done anything along the lines of this.

I guess its just nice to hear others opinions as i am very confused and dont want to get back with dp for wrong reasons or to have dd hurt and go through anymore xx

OP posts:
ledodgy · 30/01/2007 21:28

I say cut your losses and don't go back, it sounds like it was a destructive relationship and one you don't need.

hoohoo · 30/01/2007 21:29

if he really wanted you back he wouldn't have slept with 8 women since you split

MerryMarigold · 30/01/2007 21:30

how do you know it is 8 women? do you really love him, or want him now you (maybe) can't have him? think you need to REALLY examine things very thoroughly before putting dd through any more confusion - and also sort things out IN FULL before he comes over/ stays over/ moves back or anything else.

Licorice · 30/01/2007 21:30

If you can't be faithful to each other, and that upsets you, what's the point?

madamez · 30/01/2007 21:41

It does sound a little as though you only want him when he's not interested in you - after all, if you told him you didn't want him back, who he then sleeps with is his business, not yours.
Sounds in all honestly like both of you would be better off without each other - though it is worth trying to stay civil for dd's sake.

expatinscotland · 30/01/2007 21:43

You want him because others are interested in him.

This isn't a healthy relationship at all.

I think you need to move on romantically/emotionally/sexually and do the best you can to maintain a civil relationship for your child.

You have a child with this man.

That is now your relationship.

Leave it at that and move on to something healthier, including a stable relationship with yourself.

lou33 · 30/01/2007 21:44

i was going to ask how do you know how many women he has been with, but i see i am too late

when exh and i split he used to give me that shit too, say he wanted me back and when it didnt go his way, come back and tell me who he had sex with instead, like i'd give a shit

if you are both messing about on each other why be together? he doesnt seem to make you happy

Original poster
Prettyfull · 30/01/2007 21:58

hi again, yes u all seem very right. I just hate that i feel this way.

It could be now hes moved on i want him im not sure.

I think im scared as since everything thats happened, i feel like iv been reduced to nothing. I have no self confidence, i feel like i have no personailty anymore.

My main focus is dd right now and i know life isnt all about being in a relstionship, but i feel so lonely and miss him and teh good times we had im only 22 and hav been in 2 diff relationships constant since i was 15 so this is all new to me.

It does annoy me that xp has the chance to move on and that hes out every night etc when im at home with dd. I cant see how i can ever have another relationship now

Thanks for advise,..oh and xp told me about the 8 women a while after it happened as i asked him to be honest with me.

OP posts:
madamez · 30/01/2007 23:36

Aww, hon! A lot of what's making you miserable could simply be the feelings of isolation and "why can't I just go out for a night's clubbing?" that all parents get from time to time.
Never mind this muppet of a man. Work on cultivating freinds and interests, and bear in mind that DCS grow up and you graudally get your life back.

BecauseImWorthIt · 31/01/2007 08:56

Have you actually sat down with your partner and had a conversation about how you both feel now? It does sounds as if there's a bit of 'because I can't have him I want him', but equally you obviously did enjoy each other's company and you do have a child and all the responsiblities that comes with that.

I think you should talk it through with him, very honestly, and see what his views are - then at least you can know if it's all over and prepare yourself to move on.

Anniegetyourgun · 31/01/2007 10:51

I think it's because you currently have an empty man-shaped hole in your life. It's not that you want him exactly; you want someone by your side, and are used to thinking of him in that role. Love is a funny thing, the way it fixes on unsuitable objects; but you still have love inside you, waiting to be given, as soon as you can move on from the man you're in the habit of loving. It's going to be painful for a while until you meet someone who deserves to be yours.

Original poster
Prettyfull · 31/01/2007 15:57

awww thankyou all for advise. Xp and i have agreed to meet sat, my mum is having dd and we are going to discuss everything. So we'l go from there i guess.

I do agree with what everyone is saying on here, but i shall let you know what happens!

Thanks again x

OP posts:
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