Regarding this evil MIL issue - how might we become them?

[snowleopard]

This has been on MN tonight and is of course a perennial topic. And I do often wonder, as someone else has posted, how do so many loving mothers end up being evil bitch MILs - there must be a discrepancy somewhere?

Yesterday I caught myself thinking about DS's possible future choice of girlfriend (assuming he's straight - he's not even 2 yet!) I thought "I hope he fancies someone like [female toddler chum A] who is so feisty and funny, and not [female toddler chum B] who is so drippy and whingey".

I know it's terrible and do feel free to jump on me. But I'm also interested to know if anyone else has had similar thoughts and would like a particular kind of woman for their son - however wrong that is - and how would/will you cope/behave if your son ends up with someone you can't get on with or disapprove of?

I think that while it's fair to say that some mils need to learn to let go, dils sometimes need to learn that the past can't just be written off. Mothers do play a part in their adult sons lives and that is how it should be - it's called sharing and it's something that we teach our kids to do . I think that some DILs assume that a good mother/son relationship is a long-distance one, geographically and emotionally - it isn't, no matter how conveient this might be for the DIL. Ditto DH's and MILS ......