Never really posted on here before but I have spent a lot of time reading other threads and advice. Sorry if this is quite long!
I'll start with the basics. I have 3 DC, DD (6), DS1 (4) and DS2 (17 mo). Me and OH have been together 3 years and he recently moved in with us in April. He couldn't move in prior to that due to work commitments and the commute to his old workplace wouldn't have been feasible since neither of us drive. He did however stay as often as he could and has done his fair share of parenting even though he hasn't been able to be here permanently until recently. He has since got a job more local to us. Two oldest DD's are from a previous, abusive relationship.
Me and OH usually have a good relationship, although it hasn't been without its ups and downs. He cheated right at the beginning of the relationship but I didn't find out until we had been together for quite some time. I forgave him and we worked on things. That however isn't the issue now.
Basically to sum it up he has turned round tonight and said he wants to leave, he is unhappy and has been for some time. As far as I was aware everything has been fine between us.
Last night I was up all night downstairs til 6am with DS2 but left OH in bed til 11 as we agreed it was his sleep in. When he got up I explained I was tired and so I've been back to bed on and off during the day.
He's had a short temper throughout the day and shouted unnecessarily at the DC at bedtime. I admit I got annoyed and said I didn't think it was acceptable and we have spoken before about his short temper and maybe seeing someone to help with it. He immediately got on the defensive and told me to leave him be. I apologised for getting annoyed and took myself away from the situation.
I went to bed early because I was exhausted from last night. I woke up to a bang and him being snappy with DS3. Half asleep I asked what was going on and he immediately jumped on the defensive and said I was accusing him of hurting DS3 in some way. I didn't accuse him of anything, I simply woke up after hearing a bang and saw him getting angry and asked what was going on.
In the end I said I'd get up with DS3 again but was unhappy that he's off work and he said he would step in if he was up again tonight. He lost his temper with me and shouted at me to goto bed and stormed downstairs with DS3. I wasn't prepared to let him take our son in a temper so went down and brought DS3 back upstairs to try settle him back to sleep. I went back downstairs and he's said he's unhappy and that it's over.
I've tried to ask him why but all I get is that he's unhappy and tired. He wants his old life back and being with us was a mistake etc etc. He says I'm controlling and don't let him live his life. This is absolutely not true in the slightest. He has isolated himself from his friends since moving here and never makes an effort to keep in contact. He's been on the odd night out but that's it. I'm tired of telling him to make an effort with people and socialise, it just seems to fall on deaf ears. He has said that he never has any space or time to himself . I am constantly offering to take the kids out so he can relax a bit and I try to give him space on a night by going to bed early. I socialise as much as I can and I encourage him to do the same.
Whatever I say to him is met with him telling me he is leaving because he is unhappy and that's final. He has said he is sorting his things in the next couple of days and that's that. Nothing I say or do will change his mind.
I am beyond upset and hurt not just for myself but for the children. My oldest two love him to pieces. They don't have contact with their dad (his decision, I fought for him to see them but he chose not to) and have grown very close to OH.
Sorry for the long rant, I just needed to write it down somewhere as I can't sleep and I just feel awful. Sorry if I've missed bits out, I can't think straight.