Hi.
I used to be a very regular poster before and just after dc1 was born. When he was 1 and I was pregnant with dc2 & dc3, I left my emotionally abusive marriage. Fast forward another year and dh had stopped seeing the kids completely. His choice, I swear. One thing I'd never do is come between my babies and their dad - it's just not my place and anyway, awful husband doesn't necessarily mean awful dad, does it?
Well. Fast forward another 4 years to now. DC1 has begun to make comments. That I don't know how to respond to!! Ive been expecting questions for years and they never really came.
He knows he has a dad and that his dad helped to make him..This came about through a conversation where he seemed to think that because he's a boy, he'd never have his own children- like they always belong to the mum... I explained that no, they belong to both parents and most parents look after their children together. (Like Granny and Grandad who still look after their child - Mummy - even when shes all grown up). Some adults, however, are not so good at looking after their children and sometimes children have to find new families (adoption) or be looked after by other people in their families- like grannies or uncles or by just one parent - like him. And he's really lucky because not only has he got me to love him more than anything,he also has...and I named dozens of people- I have a very large family. I wasn't sure if I handled this right or not. I didn't want to run his dad down but also didn't want to lie. It didn't seem right to say he lives far away (he doesn't) or anything like that - or to say he loves him - does he? We've not even had a text or an Xmas cardor anything in all the years and I haven't moved or changed numbers or anything- neither has my family. It's so hard trying to explain something I can't really understand myself...
Anyway. Getting to the point at last. Did some snooping last night (mind racing) and eventually (there was real skill involved here!) I came across pictures of dh and his new family. Fiancee (not divorced yet!), 2.5yr old daughter and son born on 12.8.16. My kids' siblings...
I'm going to have to let them grow up with knowledge of their existence. I can't hide the and have it come as a shock. But how on this earth do I begin to explain that he can (apparently) be a good, decent, loving father to those kids and not them?! What's wrong with them?! Isn't that what I'm going to be asked? How do I answer? Have I been saying completely the wrong thing up till now? I just want to spare their feelings - can't bear to think of them being hurt. God,I hate him for this! They deserve so much better! :(