Help! What's the issue?

[Elgin65]

I have one DD who is 18mo - and has for the last 6 mo been increasingly challenging. We have a great nanny who says during the week she's pretty good but at weekends it's a minefield of not getting in buggy/tantrums/not eating. Delete as appropriate depending on the weekend.

DH and I both work extremely long hours and this probably doesn't help but by the weekend we are both totally shattered (get no help ) and the strain of looking after DD is really taking its toll on us. DH and I spend large parts of the weekend not talking to each other and bickering- which makes me unbelievably sad given pre baby we were so happy.

I am now wondering what the future holds and have moments where I'd like to just leave. What I want to know is honestly, does it get easier?

Personally I'd recommend you both cut back on your hours so you can be effective parents. They grow up so quickly, you're not enjoying the few hours you get with her and she's not getting the happy parents she deserves.

Probably stating the obvious here. DD is OK for the nanny but not for you, are you being strict enough?

She's our first so it's hard to know whether we are being strict enough. I'd like to think we are being fair, calm and consistent in dealing with her when she's being tricky but I truely think when I spend time with other babies her age that she's definitely a lot more "spirited"!! There is probably some element of her knowing that if she makes enough of a fuss one of us capitulates for an easy life- and thereby lies one of the issues as we don't always agree with the others course of action.

Re work, I am full time but DD stays up quite late (having had a late nap) so I get a lovely few hours with her every evening. Honestly work is the thing keeping me sane right now!

DH and I spend large parts of the weekend not talking to each other and bickering

It may be she doesn't like being with you both if you are bickering, exhausted and stressed.

She has a calm and ordered week with her nanny. Big contrast to the weekend. I'm not surprised she plays up - she's unhappy.

Who wouldn't be?

I'm not getting at you. Get some help at the weekend. Or cut your hours.

Step back and look at her life.

She spends all week with a lovely nanny who spends time with her, plays with her, gives her attention... and then at the weekend these two people who are shattered, stressed and bickering with each other.

I think Joysmum and springy have summed it up perfectly. You're not being effective parents and she is unhappy. That's what you need to address first.

One of my friends is a nanny. I've known her for a few years and through a few families. This is a problem she sees time and time again.

I have to agree with the others. If you are both that exhausted that you're not talking or bickering it's not going to be a nice environment for her. We have a 2 year old and find it easier to be busy at weekends so we tend to spend most of them out going to parks, going shopping, walks and anything that keeps her out of the house. I also have a day off in the week which helps me with exhaustion and breaks her week up too as she is not at nursery. At the weekend when we're really tired we do sometimes use the Crèche at the gym for an hour while we have a sit in the cafe and have lunch or something.