I've ended it

[Mamalicious16]

After 7 months of dating a guy with aspergers / autism (officially undiagnosed ) I've ended it today . And.It.fucking.hurts.like.hell

Nearly five and a half hours of NC - and avoiding fb this is killing me

Is his diagnosis relevant to your break up?

for you

(That sounds like a goady fucker comment but it's not, my son has Aspergers and it's bloody difficult to live with even when the love is unconditional!)

Yes it is relevant. I've turned into a needy insecure horrible person. And I have a sin with the asd diagnosis so I thought I could do this. He did warn me he would end up hurting me

*son not sin

Bless you, you sound so very hurt. If it's doing you that much pain it'll be the right thing in the long run. He'll never change.

I know. I had been on my own for over two years when we met. We got on so well as friends too. Hope this gets easier

2nd day and feel raw

Big hug for you. I split in Jan and know how raw it feels in the beginning.
NC is the only way forward. Otherwise it's like poking a sore tooth.
Time is the only thing that makes you feel better, and keeping busy.
You will get through this

Thanks. Cant decide if it's too early for wine :/

Resilience16 how long before it didn't hurt anymore? Any hints/tips/coping strategies gratefully received!

The first couple of months were hard. Had intermittent contact which made it worse. From month three I went nc. That made it easier. Would say the pain started to diminish around then.
Keeping busy definitely helps. Rearrange the furniture, hammer the gym,whatever. Writing down the reasons why you split helps, something to refer back to when you feel a wobble coming on.
Block ,delete and don't cyber stalk. Any kind of contact really does just make it worse.
You really do have to just take it day by day.The first couple of weeks are definitely the hardest

Horrible situation, it's hard to believe it will get better but you know it does. I think keeping busy is the best idea. for you. Be very kind to yourself, treat yourself the way your very best friend would and remind yourself that you were brave in starting a relationship after being single for so long!

It's not getting any easier. I relapsed :/ effing WhatsApp

Bless you. Maybe keep posting on here for strength when you need it. There seems to be lots of supportive threads advocating no contact, I think if I had known about them I might not have begged the wrong person to take me back and then regretted that rookie move for the last 4 years! It's a hard slog and sadly nothing but going through it can get you through it! for you!

Thanks kate33

I need wine

Ok, you had a wobble,keep calm, draw a line under it and carry on.
If contact made things better, seriously, I would say go for it but it is guaranteed just to make you feel worse, for longer.
NC really is the only way forward Mamalicious x

Block him. It's like poking a bruise, it won't heal if you worry at it.

I promised him I'd go to his CT scan with him tomorrow he's really worried it's the c word and i promised him ages ago I'd go with him for his results and be there for him. He has no one else. How can I do that AND go NC

:/

Hey, so did you go with him?

The thing is, I get that that's a big deal, the appointment. But there will always be big deals....you have to stop it some time. He isn't your friend, he is your ex. You may be friends in the future but not yet xxx

I went with him. He has two weeks to do some soul searching and find out what he really wants. Then, if it's not what I want. That's it

You needs to be asking yourself what were the reasons you split and how do you think you can both tackle these to change things?
If you just get back together and nowts changed or be resolved it will just be ground hog day.
Both of you have to agree to work at making it work and then actually DO that, rather than just paying lip service.
Don't get back together because it's the "easy" option, it may seem that way but will be far more painful in the long run.
Bin there, done that.
Good luck x

I know. Thanks. But have since found out I may have Cassandra syndrome which is like SAD but instead of sunlight it's a distinct lack of affection. When I point this lack of affection out to him hes genuinely mortified and does his best to make up for it. Which he does. Until the next time. He's not a liar nor a cheat which is why I have some thinking to do and I've given him two weeks to decide what he wants. Then if it's the end, it's going to have to be NC (which is going to be really hard as I've inadvertently memorised his number ). If it has to be that way then so be it. Anyway how are you doing Resilience 16?