Am I Expecting Too Much

[user1471677144]

hi,
I have been seeing someone for 18 mths, we are both in our mid forties. He has family 4hrs away and goes every two weeks on a Friday afternoon coming back Sunday evening. He stays at his marital home where his wife lives with his 17 year old son, he has 3 daughters in their mid 20's who have all left home and have families. We don't live together btw. When he visits he goes out with his wife, walking visiting the kids shopping and eating out, I have a massive problem with this as I feel its too much, can I just ask what you guys think pls

It's weird

If they aren't together why are they spending all that time together

I think he is still married he just hasn't told you! Maybe tell her he works away?

You even refer to her as his wife, not ex wife. That's exactly what it sounds like too.

Sounds like they are definitely still in a relationship

Nothing wrong with seeing his family every 2 weeks. It's unusual to stay in the marital home however.

This does seem a bit odd, when he goes out walking and for food is his DS there too? And how long has this situation been going on for before you and his got together?

For me, if the DS is there and this is how they managed the contact after separation for the sake of the children then it doesn't seem that odd. If this is the case, and he's doing it out of routine and habit for his DS, then it's probably not going to go on for much longer as the DS will be doing his own thing on a weekend. Once the DS ceases being there then I'd definitely have something to say if your DP continued this arrangement.

Do you ever go and visit his other DC or the DS? It doesn't seem right that he goes away and visits whilst you stay away. They're not little children and are old enough to cope with their DF having new relationships.

I'd suggest the DS coming to visit and to stay with his DF then organising some time altogether.

Are his daughters from the relationship with his wife too? They have been 'together' to some degree or other for a long time, it sounds like they can't quite let go of one another.

When I met my H he and his xw were very friendly she was his best friend and his support. It was important to him that she liked me. We had a very bumpy start and it was her he turned too. And I was fine with that. The fact he stays at hers and they vist the children together is a nice thing for the children and grandchildren this shows they are friends and like each other and that's all. Sadly my H ew has passed away and for her last few weeks he stayed at the family home with their adult children and her H. Soon you will be included in these weekend and she will become someone in your life just as ew became a friend and support to me and me her.

Why don't you go along next time?

My exH comes out with me and our son quite often (DS is only 3 though), and he sometimes had dinner in our home (it was never the family home though, I moved here post split).
He lives quite far away though so it sometimes helps to break up the travelling for him if he spends some time at mine first.
My new DP doesn't live with me yet but he doesn't mind this arrangement as he knows it's mostly practical. When we do live together it'll tail off gradually, although there'll still be the odd occasion we spend all together.

It's important to the 3 of us that DS is comfortable around all of us - exH and I will always have to parent together and that works better when we're civil (there was no abuse or anything, he had an affair and left but it didn't last)