Buying a house together

[Workitbabe]

Me and DP been together for 2 1/2 years and currently live in the house I shared with my exh. We are selling up and buying somewhere together but I feel uneasy. I don't feel like there is any commitment from him and I feel like I need to protect mine and my girls' future. My current house has £220k of equity - DP has nothing to put down as he is on a DMP and we will be sharing the mortgage payments. I trust him but want more from him - is that unreasonable? He recently had some money from the passing away of his Dad 3 years ago. I think it was about £5k. We spent some money on a holiday c£ 800 and he is buying his son a £600 laptop. I know it seems crazy but I hoped he might produce a ring and pop the question. He is always saying he wants to get married but it seems like it is all talk. I am probably being paranoid but it is making me feel on edge.

Thoughts?

Slow down, and do things in a sensible order

I posted a lot on a previous thread about your mortgage and this guy.

Did you ever find out if your XH added £100K to your mortgage by forging your signature? Or did you just sign the remortgage?

That was only 18 months ago, so you'd been with this boyfriend 9 months without having the terms of your split sorted out.

SLOW DOWN.

Where's the fire?

You have no good reason to move from your current house, from what you've posted. So what if it was the marital home? You've had long enough with your new boyfriend there to build new memories of it now anyway.

Why not wait another 2 years until he has paid off his DMP, you can get lower interest rates, and you might actually feel sure of his commitment?

(by the way, it's 2016, you're allowed to propose)

But look, this is my big concern for you...

You can't get a mortgage on your own.
When you were married, you relied on your husband's come.
When you divorced, you relied on him staying on the mortgage.
Now you're relying on another man to get you out of the mortgage tie with your husband.

this is a big mistake

At the moment, you own your own home with all the security and appreciating asset of that. Yes, you only do so because XH is on the mortgage but you have protection. Your XH had a good reason to go along with that - it is housing his child.

Now, say you and DMP Boy split up. You've ditched the security of your XH having to keep you in the house by staying on the mortgage. DMP Boy will want his money out. Now let's say that actually you were sensible - not married, and your split is protected. So - you only need to buy him out a "fair" amount.

But guess what? You can't. Because you still can't get a mortgage on your own.
But this time, tough shit - no way is DMP Boy going to stay on your mortgage stopping him from getting another one. Your kids aren't his problem.

So you end up with a big old chunk of equity - but no ability to get a mortgage on your own that will allow you to keep your current home. And if you're in an expensive area, even downsizing wouldn't be an option.

You would be an absolute fool to give up the mortgage that you have, with your XH on it, until you (not you and DMP Boy) can afford to take it on.

You can have something called a deed of trust if you do want a joint mortgage but you are unsure of how best to protect yourself. It states who put in what deposit and how the repayments will be split. If the worst happens you then have a legally binding agreement to ensure your money is protected and he does not have any access to it as it would split equity after deposits are taken out.
It does become null and void if you marry but it's worth considering and you would need to do this through a solicitor.
From experience, it was a godsend to know my assets were protected and it made a less than amicable split slightly easier without a financial argument to boot.

Ultimately you have to go with your heart. Do you want a future with this man and does that involve building a life together in a space that's jointly yours? Or would you be equally happy to stay where you are?

But a deed of trust won't help the OP if they split up and she has to get a mortgage alone to take over the mortgage that they had together.

Unless the OP can get a mortgage alone (which she can't, now) then it is really foolish to give up the protection she has right now, of having her XH on the mortgage.

OP - when does that finish? What did you agree in your divorce, legally?

Get proper advice.

Ensure that you contribution to the new house is properly recorded and legally protected so that in the event of a split that is ring fenced to come back to you for yourself and your DC before the rest is split.

If you marry how are you protecting that money for your DC rather than it becoming a joint asset or all his if anything happens to you?

Cabrinha speaks complete sense.

Stay. Where. You. Are.

Live with your DP, sure, and accept his contribution in rent. In a couple of years, with his dmp done, and maybe your earning potential up, re-assess.

And honestly, if you are feeling fragile because he hasn't proposed, you shouldn't be entering such a massive commitment as buying property together. Are you trying to buy his commitment? Are you letting him use your equity as the only mortgage he can get because you want to see that as a mark of commitment from him?

In the end it comes back to how you take care of your girls' future.