Am I having an EA?

[AnonymousProblems]

Hello all
I have name changed. I don't usually hang out on Relationships but I have heard about the concept of Emotional Affairs. I'm worried I'm having one but really what's the difference between an EA and a friend of the opposite sex?

I have 2 lovely children and an amazing husband. I work full time and work can be full on. I started a new job in January and instantly hit it off with the manager. We have the same hobbies and interests and had good chats about them but also we work professionally very well together. Over time we swapped personal phone numbers and now send texts almost daily (not about work) including weekends. We go for a cup of tea every afternoon and usually will either go to the gym or have lunch together most days.

The problem I came to realise is that I go on holiday next week for 2 weeks with my family and I've found myself thinking that I'm going to miss him. At no point has anything happened romantically. He is married (no children) and I don't expect he's interested in a married mother of 2 but why do I feel like this? I love my husband I really do but if the holiday was cancelled I wouldn't be too upset.

What am I doing???

Stop this now. The fact you say you will miss him is not a good sign I'm afraid. I'm sorry to be blunt, maybe you are just friends but I would be very careful.

Do you tell your husband everything you do? If you are doing anything which you don't think your husband would like to hear about, then you're in EA territory.

How do I stop it though? We work together. I am the breadwinner, DH is a SAHD. In the beginning I told him about everything and they've met etc. But about a month ago DH said he said he was sick of hearing about him and asked what was going. I truthfully said nothing was going on and since then I swap his name for a woman's name if he asked who I was going out for drinks with or the gym with etc.

You are lying to your husband already. You need to stop it now.

Tell your 'friend' that you would like to have a more professional working relationship. It will be 100% better for everyone concerned, stop now before you go further down that path.

Does sound like u are putting a bit too much effort into an apparently work colleague relationship. ...
U should be thinking more about spending time on holiday with your dh than missing work mate.

Even if 'he' were a 'she', that would be a lot of time to spend with one person. That fact that you know you're going to miss him while you're away means you have crossed that line. It may only be an unreciprocated crush, but they can be very damaging to a relationship.

You need to stop the texts, teas and gym visits. If your friend questions this, you can just give him an edited version of the truth, something along the lines of "My husband isn't happy that I'm spending so much time with another man. I really value my marriage and family life, so think it's better if we keep things on a professional basis'. If he thinks it's strange, it really doesn't matter - you care more about your marriage/family than him, don't you?

^^ what MsV said

You're lying to your husband and deceiving him. How would you feel if you found out your husband was lying to you about a female friend and would be happy to miss a holiday with you because he could spend more time with her instead? You are already in an emotional affair and you know it. Nip it in the bud now.

MrsV nailed it.

Holiday is good timing. Make sure there is no contact while you're away. Invest in/enjoy your family and come back with a more frosty attitude towards this colleague.

My friend went through something similar recently. She ended up distant from her husband, questioning whether or not she still loved him. When she ended it (close relationship with her manager) he took it very badly and tries to sabotage her.

Nothing physical happened between them either but they were in constant contact and getting deeper by the second.

Start pulling out of lunches, don't message him when you're not working. Don't lie to your husband. You have just justified it to yourself saying it's because he's fed up with you talking about him but it's not that at all, that's your guilt talking.