Is this a red flag, or am I thinking too much? Answers on a postcard please! ;)

[passthewineplz]

Ok, so I've been chatting to a guy from OLD for a few weeks (think it's around 3-4 weeks since we've been texting one another).

He has custody of his DS, and says that he is in the process of moving from his DM to his own home, and says that he split up from his ex about a year ago to move in with relatives and since splitting up with the ex he now lives with his DS.

He has also mentioned that he is currently not working, as he has been having some tests at the hospital. I totally understand, as I've had a few health issues going on over the last few years, so the fact he's not working at the moment and could have some health issues doesn't really bother me.

I'm a bit bored of the messaging one another day and night, and have suggested a few times that we meet up, however I can't seem to get him to commit to a specific day. When I mention it he says he'll have to see when he's free.

Ok, I understand that moving home is stressful, I also understand that he'll need to arrange childcare and is probably also stressed with having tests at the hospital.

What I can't make my mind up with is this a red flag and I should run for the hills because he won't commit to meeting up, or should I pursue things a bit longer.

Today I have had a bit of progress with meeting up, he said he wanted to give me his full attention and didn't want to commit to a day as he doesn't want to let me down incase something crops up with his son or the house. So I've suggested we meet up during the day as it might be easier for childcare, which he's agreed to and will let me know the day when he's arranged childcare.

So wise mn'ers, is this a major red flag, or am i thinking too much about things and need to go with the flow? 🤔

Hate OLD! It sucks arse! Lol!

Kick him into touch. He's hiding something

Honestly, it would be a red flag for me if someone only wanted to text me. For me texting someone you don't know is totally weird as is getting all the information about someone's life before you meet them, including his custody arrangements for goodness sake . Agree with others it all sounds like a hiding to nothing.

This is sadly following the catfish script... you could have been texting a 70 year old granny for all you know... block and move on!

Hmm sounds a bit odd to me. Is he really single?

Bollocks, frankly.

If he doesn't have time to date because of having a child and an occasional hospital appointment he should get the fuck off OLD sites, no?

He's pissing you about.

People who are keen to meet check their diary and say "sorry it'll have to be a week next Tue cos I have hospital on my one child free day this week - would that be OK?"

For whatever reason, he's stringing you along - but doesn't actually want to meet.

Doesn't want to let you down? My arse. Just arrange a date and stick to it then.

Please don't waste a second longer on this idiot!

Ok, I've had a think and blocked and deleted his number!

Good bye mr knobber!

c'est la vie and all that!

Don't blame you. Could be completely genuine but tbh if he's struggling to find time for a coffee in the midst of his daily routine (goodness knows what he'd be like if he was working) then he really shouldn't be OLD. I suspect he knows that anyhow.

I haven't done OLD for a while but my philosophy was to chat for no more than a week if possible - anything over that and I would start to feel curiously invested in the person I was speaking to and exaggerating meeting in my head. I was really lucky with DP - we'd joined two hours before sending each other a message, and met that evening - so we never actually had much in the way of messaging and instead just talked it out on our (frankly, amazing) first date. That said, not everybody is as brazen as we were (we found out we had mutual friends which helped significantly) and we lived not far from each other so it was a kinda 'well, if it works it works no harm done'