Does it ever stop?

[Dollygirl2008]

So, there are plenty of my original threads from a year ago - OH left me after 25 years for woman at work, 1 x DC involved and she has DC's as well. I had some amazing support from this forum.

So, literally a year down the line and I hoped I'd have moved on. And I have albeit slowly. However, just when I thought I was turning a corner, he announces that he's going to ask the OW to marry him. I'm floored. 25 years with me and he never wanted to get married. 1 year with her.

It just keeps going over in my head " is getting married". I hear myself saying it outloud. I picture him at the alter, looking at her like he never wanted to look at me. Their first dance. It all hurts so much.

Don't know why I'm posting really, but I'm just hurt beyond belief all over again and could do with some rationale and kind, uplifting words.

Thanks for reading.

Thank you - that's a lovely reply. I can only equate it to feeling like a year ago, I was knocked over by a car - then just as I was getting back up on one knee and feeling a bit stronger, the fucker then decides to reverse over me - just to make sure. And yet here we are - the ones that have to try so hard to not only move on, but to have to keep our tongues in our heads to remain dignified. So bloody unfair x

I tend to think that's the OW feeling a bit insecure and making sure she nails him down with marriage.

I don't think his family should be talking to you about the details - why would you want to hear them?

It seems unfair now. But I bet at some point in the future we'll look back and think "thank fuck I didn't marry him!"

I already have the start of a thank fuck list:
He cheats
He's awful with money and would have ruined my financial stability
He doesn't give a shit about the mother of his child (me!)
He is a half arsed parent
He cheats - worth mentioning twice cos it embodies a lot of repulsive character flaws - lying, using people, no conscience, no empathy, selfish

Ooh I feel better for that!

Thank you - and you've made me feel better!

You know what the bottom line is? I'm happier without him. There, I've said it -but I am.

But it's this feeling of rejection. I find that soooo hard and I can't seem to get around that. And for the ow to be so damn happy. Where's the justice in that???

She might be getting the wedding that is lovely and tasteful and all of the things that you would have wanted, but think about what kind of a marriage this will be. When you have gotten through this tough stage, when you've finally gotten over him, and are free to meet an amazing non-cheat, she'll be checking his phone, doubting his word, and on high alert every time he's around any female. What kind of a marriage is that?

Its like a shit baked into the wedding cake - fabulous on the outside, but rotten and poison at the core. They have to get married quickly. In their heads only wankers cheat, not star-crossed lovers like them who were brought together with serendipity. So in order to prove that they are not cheating wankers, they need to cover that shit up in wedding cake and royal icing to make it something that its not. The wedding is an attempt at justification of what they did. They might fool their guests, and their kids, but they wont fool you. Or themselves, no matter how much they try.

Mumsnet rocks. These threads and replies are just to empowering and uplifting! I would love
To think you are right, but I guess only time will tell. I just need to focus on my dd who keeps me going everyday. He, however, will
Be stepping into a stepfather to 4 nearly teenage daughters......

Really feel for you. Just remember your well rid and deserve better than a cheat, and would you want him if you met him now and knew his past? You will find real happiness if you stay strong and positive, be kind to yourself.