I'm not In Love any more...

[Emzickle]

I keep aking myself what the hell I am playing at.

I love my DP, but I dont think I'm "in love" with him any more. Help me please?

We have a young daughter. I feel so guilty.

It happens. If you are in a good relationship you address the problem honestly, work on it and get your mojo back. Then a few years down the line it may happen again. So you work at it again. That's what long term relationships with children are about. Thats why wedding vows say 'for better or worse'.

what about sex, i just dont want to any more. I look to him like a friend, not my lover, like he used to be.

That's normal too. You need to talk about it.

Emzickle, i could have written your post - i too love him like a friend but we have no sex at all and there's no feelings really any more.. dont know what to suggest to you

what do I say to him? I dont feel i can just chat to him about this, it'll break his heart.

How old is you DD? Your lack of sex drive might be hormonal. You can get it tested at the doctors

our dd is 4 months

Well how long have you felt like this? If you have been pushing him away he's bound to suspect something.

i think if baby is only 4 months its all pretty normal, u might feel like this for about 3.5 years.. trill they properly sleep through the night and go to nursery durign the day so u can feel human agin... lol.. sorry, parenting sucks...

Did you feel this way before dd was born?

to be honest, dp and i fell together because of my pregnancy - and I really dont know how I feel any more. LO does sleep through, has done for ages. It isnt that.

Do you love him enough to want to try and work through it?

DH and I are having similar problems at the mo and he said he thinks he's not in love with me anymore.

We both took each other for granted a bit once ds was born and forgot about our relationship and making time for ourselves.

Once I realised this, I realised I love him enough to want to get that closeness back and can't wait for those special times for just the two of us again (thank god for babysitters!)

But DH said he doesn't know whether he loves me enough anymore to want to try.

So I think that's what you need to ask yourself??

I don't think I've been in love with my DH for many years. I associate that with the high-adrenalin, obsessive part of a new relationship - it lasted a long time with us but it's changed now. I love him, I like him and I admire him (there are times when I can't stand him too but I also think that's normal) but I'm not in love with him. Maybe this is just something that you need to come to terms with? I also think that a young child does channel a lot of that passionate love in a new direction for a while, as it should IMO.

Be patient, try a count of the things that you like/love about him reguarly, make yourself spend time with him.......something will return if you want it to, but it may not be the same as before.

But what do I know my marriage has lasted a long time but is currently full of holes and may be going down for the last time

4 months is not a very long time to have been a parent. Your hormones are probably still all over the place and may stay that way for a while. If you still feel a degree of respect and friendship for the bloke, then ride things out for a while and see if they get better - major upheavals when you have a baby are no fun.
Mind you, what's going on with him? Is he moaning at you or pushing for sex? Is he helping a reason able amount? Is he treating you with respect and friendship? Becasue if not, you might find that sorting out any problems of that nature will help you get back into the good feelings.

How long have you been together? There was an interesting article on the Times website about sex/intimacy in long-term relationships. Basically, it said that there are lots of ways of being intimate, but that intimacy often kills sex because it's no longer spontaneous. You need to schedule it into your busy lives and make an effort.