How is dp/dh when you are ill?

[taramac]

Was just wondering how other peoples dp/dhs treated them when they are sick. My dp and I are having some problems ate the moment but 1 thing that has been recurrent in our relationship is that he is c**p when I am ill. I don't expect him to take time off work but he never offers, phones to check on me, offer to cook tea, bring me something nice to cheer me up etc. He can be a star at times but when I am ill or even when I am pregnant he makes me feel like a hypochondriac (hope thats spelt right!)AM I expecting too much? I just feel very low and so ill and have a 2 year old who is actually no bother but obviously I can't sleep when he's in the house. So let me know!

My DH is absolutely useless when I'm ill!! I remember taking a week off work once with flu (real flu not a bad cold). He came home from work and stayed with me for 5 mins, then said he was going to work on the car. 20 mins later he comes back into the house and asks me to help him bleed the bloody brakes!!!! Made me angry at the time, but is quite funny looking back at it.

We've spoken about this and he admits he's rubbish when I'm ill, but he just can't cope with seeing me suffer!! I guess that's sweet in it's own way?

i am very lucky i have a lovely dh. I was ill with a 24 hour bug yesterday...he was up all night with me making sure i was ok (i have a habit of fainting when i am ill) and then he had the day off work and looked after me and the kids all day. bless him.... I feel for you i really do...its hard being ill and trying to look after the children at the same time.....you are not expecting too much at all....tell him how you feel, you might be suprised...maybe he thinks you dont want looking after? you know what men are like for picking things up?!

I have told him countless tims but it doesnt change and there is just an atmosphere between us when I am ill that I hate when I am feeling my lowest. My sister also left today (back from Oz after 2 years for 6 months and away to England now) My dp and her dont get on and I am really going to miss her and I feel like I can't express that either. I suppose when this issue comes up between us it just highlights all the crap things in my life and relationship. Sorry just feeling so low and wiped out.

Sorry to her you are feeling low
just wanted to say IME men have a limit to how much they can empathise, sympathise and be involved when we are ill and this limit surprises both parties in it's size.
Mine is full of good intent and wants to help but doesn't want the hassle of me being ill or low and that comes across as impatience and almost hurrying me a long.
Do you know what I mean?
Maybe men are scared when their women are showing signs of vulnerablitity.

taramac, i am so sorry you are feeling so low? i too am a bit low at the moment. would you like to contact me and maybe we can chat?

DH equally useless when both me and DD are ill. Example, a few weeks ago DD sent home from school after vomiting all over the hall. DH working at home but insisted I cancelled meetings to pick her up and keep her at home the next day. When i got her home he promptly disappeared off to work. He is an academic so outside of lectures (teaching finished in april!) his time is his own.

when I am ill he is hopeless. Example: I had very bad 'flu (was passing out all the time). I hadn't passed my test but he couldn't pick DD up from school, I had to get a taxi and get her. got to school and passed out. Headmaster's wife drove us home. He then complained that I shouldn't have got the taxi (paid for from my own money) as "the fresh would have done me good and you need the exercise".

i've given up now, and have to admit I just leave him to it when he takes to his bed with some lurgy.

The trouble with men is that once they have witnessed the tremendous pain we go through while giving birth, they think we can cope with anything.

Dh otoh limps at the slightest thing, even if he has a headache!

Thanks bb123 that is a really sweet thing to ask but I just don't feel up to it atm. I find it hard to talk to people generally and very rarely speak to the few friends I have about anything too deep. Thats why I like posting one here because I can get it all out and get support without having to see anyone iytwim! But thankyou.

An ex-dp of mine was a lovely and caring guy in loads of ways - really, really thoughtful - but just could not deal with me being ill at all. He was totally useless and tbh it's one of the things that led to us breaking up because I felt I couldn't rely on him in a crisis! I once rang him from A&E to tell him that I'd collapsed at work and was being admitted for a mystery virus. He said he couldn't come to the hospital because he was going to the cinema! Several hours later he did turn up and it transpired that he had got to the cinema, told his mate I was in hospital and the friend was completely incredulous that dp wasn't by my bedside and, naturally, made him get in a cab right away! I was in hospital for 5 days and he would only visit for an hour or so a day, too. That makes him sound awful but it was genuinely because he couldn't cope with me being ill and thought if he just ignored it I'd be back home by the evening! Unfortunately, though, whilst now I can see the funny side, I really didn't at the time...so I know how crap you must feel! Hope you're feeling better soon, anyway.

ok taramac....the offer is always there though. i have the same problem as well. hope you feel better soon

taramac you poor thing. I still can't forgive my dp for some of his behaviour when I was pregnant, topped off by the fact that when I had my ceasarian, he had a cold - which one of us took to their bed? AND I had a toddler to deal with! He's been better since then because I've never let him forget it.

they do seem to blank the stress of a caesrian out by being unsympathetic don't they, I though it was just mine, he was OK but couldn't grasp that it was major surgery, plus hormone crash plus coediene haze.

tarmac, have a good old rant to us if you need to, we all feel low at t imes and don't realise it until we talk about it (that could possibley be the gushiest post I have ever made

ands its a guy thing too. I was ill for a few days when ds was very small and the difference between when my mum looked after me from when dh did was huge - guess which was better!

My DH is not much better really. A few years ago I fell down the stairs and badly sprained my ankle. He came running in to see what was going on and sympathised for about 20 seconds then disappeared into the garden. I thought he was going out to our freezer to get some frozen peas or something for my ankle, so sat there waiting and waiting. Staggered to the window to find him washing his car!

Damn mines pretty fabulous, sometimes I have to physically mention that I'm too ill to cook or whatever, or ask him to come home, he always does, he's great
He was awesome when I had severe morning sickness last time round...

DH so far has been great (I haven't been ill yet, but I've been pregnant and miserable). My exboyfriend on the other hand tried hard but just couldn't really figure out when I was really ill. He'd be terribly sympathetic when I just wanted a nap, but had me trying to hold up pieces of a bookcase he wanted to put together with a high fever. Best moment ever: I got pneumonia, went to a conference in Australia with him, with pneumonia, which he was really quite good about, carrying things for me, finding me places to sleep, etc. Then we got home, and he told somebody else this story, and came back and said to me "Why didn't you tell me pneumonia was a serious illness? So-and-so says people die of pneumonia!"