Is it fair to refuse contact for this reason alone?

[Amie197918]

Hi
I have a 6 month old son by my ex partner. We where together very briefly (about a month) then we broke up as he moved to America for a temp job, I then found out I was pregnant.

He's seen my son once when he came back to visit his mum but he's never really been interested. He will call occasionally but about it really. He has now told me he is moving home next month and has been doing some thinking and really wants to be an active part in his sons life and try his hardest.

When he was last in the uk he came over to see his son then we had dinner and chatted (didn't have sex there's no feelings in that respect) he was telling me really disgusting things about how he had just found out he had clamidia and said that he once slept with 4 girls on the same day with out washing in between! He then pulled out his phone and tried to show me two videos of girls naked in his room!! He also told me how he was "surprised" I got pregnant as he goes unprotected with loads of other girls and has never got any pregnant!!!

It's just really disgusted me and I don't want my son having that attitude. I have said to him and he thinks I'm making a big deal out of it and that his sex life doesn't effect how good of a father he can be

I'm not putting single parents down. I am a single parent.

Happy to stand corrected if OP comes back and says he was an old friend but they were only together as boyfriend/girlfriend for a month - and that they used a condom but it split. But does it really sound like that to you?

One thing we both agree on though - she shouldn't actively try to create the relationship between the father and baby here.

Hi OP,
This guy sounds like a cringeworthy creep, but unfortunately I don't think that would stand up in court as a reason to prevent contact.
My advice to you is to completely avoid these cosy dinner situations with him and keep it very formal and civil so you can make some grown up arrangements regarding your son. I have to be frank with you, yes he sounds disgusting, and I mean no offence here, but you got pregnant for a man you were with for a month. Yuck he was always unprotected?! Erm well he was unprotected with you also OP so you need to take responsibility for that decision you made, with a man you were with for a very short period of time. No matter how much his antics might make your skin crawl, it's not your sons fault you conceived him with a man who's slimy tendencies were not immediately obvious. How much could anyone learn about someone in a month? 🙄 So your child has a right to have both his parents in his life and I hope for his sake you both come to a healthy arrangemet.

I'll hazard a guess that the cosy dinner was him trying to get a warm body for the night and perhaps wriggle his way into a non committed, lead up the garden path, sex on tap for him situation. He talked about his conquests to make you see how wanted he is and to make you feel special for choosing you out of all these women he could have. His suggestion of being an involved father is most likely a line to get you thinking he is a good man too and I reckon that if you reject all further advances on his part you won't have the issue of negotiating contact. Reject him as a potential lover/friend but say nothing to indicate you will object to contact with the child. That way he has nothing to "win" in that respect so won't be likely to push for contact just to get back at you for rejecting him.

Btw, I hope he is paying child support?