Advice for a newly married girl who mainly has single friends

[happilymarried1]

Hi I am newly married and want to know any advice on how to get on well and avoid arguments with hubby. Btw I want to meet married friends because most of my friends are single

As to my friends I am looking for married friends because my single friends don't get what I'm going through plus I'm moving to a new town away from all my old friends

. What a weird attitude. Nothing changed when I got married except my address and my surname.

Don't ditch your old friends! You need a variety of friends - this means you'll have a variety of people's experiences to draw on when you need support.

I have a mix of single and settled friends - when younger there were more single but with age a lot of them seem to be settling down. It hasn't changed our friendships, except maybe given me new acquaintances in their partners.
Do you get on with DHs friends? I have made friends this way - if they're settled, make friends with them both.

About being married - you have to face any changes / issues as they crop up. For me and DH, we have faced redundancy (his), illness (mine), family stress (his) and fertility issues (mine). It's how we've grown as a couple. There is no right and wrong way to do this.

How old are you OP? I ask as you seem to have a very simplistic, young way of looking at this?

FFS, if someone is happy to call themselves a girl, it's their business and no one else's.
Agreed! This really pisses me off on MN. People acting all clever and putting someone down by the terminology they use describe themselves.

girl is a colloquial term used in many parts of the country to describe a female. My mum and her mates call themselves the old girls club. My nan, not wanting to be done calls her and her friends the even older girls

Back to OP, just because you are married nothing changes with friendships.

I got married decades ago and some of my friends were single then and still are to this day. DH hasn't had one argument with me about their status!

They've still helped when I've gone through stuff as indeed I have helped them to deal with things that I have expierence done yet ( cancer, death of a parent nd redundancy for three)

Btw I want to meet married friends because most of my friends are single

Why?

Seriously, why? Do you think you now have to do everything as a pair?
Why would single friends stop being suitable as friends?

What happens if your fabulous new married friends split up?

So - assuming best intentions - you're in the happy honeymoon/newlywed bubble and you want to meet some people in a similar situation to share that with? You could try the usual bridal/wedding forums I guess, but friendships in real life are not really formed on the basis of people's marital status... I don't know, I can imagine some churches would help facilitate friendships between young newlyweds perhaps but I could be wrong because I don't go.

On the other hand, if your question has been prompted by a shift in your relationship such as the balance of power, your husband's expectations of the relationship changing, etc etc then I think it should be a different question you're asking and I'm sure many would help you with that!

You've lived together - nothing's really meant to change between "just living together" and "being married", not in terms of relationship dynamics (just the usual legal things like property ownership etc)

I'm also concerned by your posts.
Why are you moving away?
How far away are you moving?
Who instigated the move?

My single friends understood ME! As the person I am and will always be!
What else do they need to understand?
You have made some very odd and concerning statements in your posts.

What are you 'going through'? What advice can we give you to 'avoid arguments'? What kind of arguments?

Finding friends in a new town involves going out and about, not much an anonymous website can do.

Someone who is also married will not automatically know what you are going through. All marriages are different. All people are different and have different experiences.

A married friend is no more likely to lend a sympathetic ear than a single one. A friend is a friend regardless of relationship status.

He needs to trust you. Is he accusing you of anything. We shouldn't label people because of their status. People are people and don't ditch anyone have them round for a bbq involve them in your lives. If he is feeling insecure cause of their single status that isn't a good start

OP, nothing changed when I got married. My friends were still my friends. Don't dump your single friends for married ones, that's a shitty way to behave. Do you see yourself as better than them now or something?

What do you mean 'what you're going through?' Your life shouldn't drastically change because you're married.

"Agreed! This really pisses me off on MN."

Other sites are available.

Because the infantilisation of grown women will never play well here.

And that's a good thing.

"married girl" makes me think of coerced child marriage and therefore child abuse and rape. There are good reasons to avoid using terms that refer to children when posting about sexual relationships.

trojan
In this day and age where people can identify themselves I any way they choose, I'm happy to be an old girl, go on girls nights out etc. It's part of my culture and social norm to talk that way.

I'm a Lancashire lass and that's how I am identifying .
As for your snotty advice about other sites being available, get a grip. I expressed an opinion about one comment out of the hundreds that appear on here everyday.

Are you also

Are you also one of those women who ditch their child free friends when they have a baby too?

want to know any advice on how to get on well and avoid arguments with hubby.

How did you manage it before you got married?

LewisandClark
I don't care what the others say, I for one thought your post was beautiful. So much so that I forwarded the words to my Husband. I might even save the words you wrote and write them in an anniversary card some day.
Re this don't say girl issue, I called a group in MN "girls" was asking some advice and one of them said "I don't like being referred to as a girl" it actually really upset me that she took it that way because where I come from that's what we say. I even asked some of my more mature friends what they thought and they didn't have a problem with it at all!!

Does your DH not like you having single friends? If so, it's not your friends that are the problem.

OP I'm finding your posts very odd, what is it that you are 'going through' that your single friends wont understand? You're in the very early stages of your relationship, you really shouldn't be going through anything too traumatic, certainly nothing a true friend couldn't get to grips with

What your going through? Is there some thing actual, or do they just not understand the stress of changing your name/how heavy the pen was to sign the paperwork.....

Why are you so concerned with avoiding argument?

Does your husband not like you having single friends?

This is all so mysterious!

Are you OK, OP?

Trojan So will you go and troll Laura Trott for daring to post this on Twitter:

Who says girls can't play sports?! I KEEP PLAYING and just won GOLD! #LikeAGirl @Always #ad fb.me/2JK0LTIj9

Surely the likeagirl hashtag is actually a challenge on the negative common phrase to do something like a girl. Which both belittles girls and infantilizes women? And not because she actually enjoys referring to herself as a girl. Also just because people are used to referring to themselves as a certain name because it has been normalised doesn't mean people can't say they think it is a bit daft.

Laura Trott refers to herself as a girl - "who says girls can't play spots" - just as the OP did, who was promptly chastised for doing so.