I have been trawling round the latest threads adding messages here and there and avoiding the main subject that is on my mind. A bit nervous because its the first time I've posted anythign personal on Mumsnet - although I know you are all really supportive.
The problem is that I seem to be really horrible to DH these days. I am mega critical and seem to pick fights about trivial things. For instance during the last week these have included him messing up the airing cupboard, him not putting the dishwasher on at the right time, him using all the soft spouts on DS's cups for juice so there's none left for his bedtime milk etc. As I write this, I think how pathetic it sounds. Its not like I have a little gripe and then thats the end of it. I manage to turn it all into a full blown row. If DH responds (even mildly to any criticism) I cry which exasparates him because we cannot even have a decent discussion. I have always cried very easily (with parents and siblings as well as DH). I seem to be getting a cycle of this. However if DH commits some minor misdemeanour that I discover while he is at work or golf I have got over it by the time he gets home and so inadvertently be his absence he gets away with that one!!! Which shows how petty I am being. This is really beginning to get to DH, in a recent discussion he admitted to feeling as though he is walking on egg shells trying to avoid setting me off.
I feel this is really undermining what ought to be a great relationship and I think my posting on here proves how concerned I am. I love DH very much. He is a very sensitive and funny bloke - generally speaking we are very much on the same wave length. I am very proud of what we have built together - a loving and comfortable home centred around a delightful little boy whom we both adore. Its not all bad. We have a very strong bond of trust in each other and always have had. We never argue over money and share a joint bank account very amicably although money is a bit tight. (Isn't money supposed to be a major source of arguments?).
Just to fill you in on the background. We have a fifteen month old son and I work 3 days a week with DS being in nursery which we both agree is very good for him. Neither of us have particulary pressurised jobs (although there can be occasional spells of pressure for each and DH does a lot of driving). DH is fairly hands on - collects DS from nursery, shares the cleaning and tidying, will load the washing machine (from designated pile), hangs out the washing, cuts DS's nails exclusively etc etc. Will not cook or iron. I order the shopping online, he unpacks it.
He plays golf twice most weekends. So not perfect but not too bad. We have been married 4 years.
If I try to hold off nagging DH it all eventually bottles up and spills out into a dozen complaints at once. So that doesn't work. I'm sorry to have rambled but does anyone have any ideas how I can break this cycle? I think if I act now this will safeguard my marriage.