Is husband a compulsive liar?

[freakingoutbigtime]

Ok so I NC for this post.
I am really worried that my husband cannot stop himself from lying to me. I am completely losing my trust in him. They aren't huge life destroying lies they are stupid and relatively small lies. The true version might warrant a little comment or a small tiff even but nothing severe enough to warrant lying all the time to avoid these little arguments.

An example: this morning he got up with our 2 year old at 6 while I stayed upstairs to try and resettle our 5mo. It totally didn't work and I came downstairs at about 7 to find him lying on the couch snoozing (yeah I know I have talked to him about it but let's not go there now) I asked if he wanted breakfast and had DD1 had breakfast. He said she'd had a slice of toast which she has barely touched so he threw in the bin. I went into kitchen to make breakfast for us and saw that the bread wasn't even open and no plate. I asked him if it was a lie about the toast and he said no. I told him the bread wasn't even open so it must be and he just looked at me, didn't reply and we have been in silence ever since. Obvs I have fed the kids. I've previously pulled him on this kind of stuff and said it needs to stop but it's fallen on deaf ears.

Can anyone offer advice on dealing with lying for no apparent reason? Im not planning on LTB so that's not a suggestion I'd like to hear. Thanks ladies. R

Is your DH british? My DH lies about small things all the time. Drives me mad. I think for him it's a mixture of beimg brought up in a culture where saving face is far more important then the truth.So lying just isn't a big deal as in the UK.

His DM has also a ferocious temper on her and I can imagine as a child it was easier to lie then admit - so it's almost become second nature.

All you can do is pick it up on him when it happens and explain why you don't like it.

Nope I'm not mega uptight about breakfast time or something but she's usually pretty hungry and thirsty when she wakes up so it's nicer for her to have breakfast.

Also she is a climber and full of mischief so it's not responsible of him to go to sleep. One time when he did it she found a pack of rolos in a drawer and ate the whole thing including the paper and foil when he wasn't watching and I was upstairs feeding the baby. But that's not really what I was talking about I don't want to just sit and pick out all his flaws because he could do the same about me I suppose.

It has obviously crossed my mind that he lies to avoid my response but when I have asked about that in the past it's always " no of course not I don't know why I said that" that was probably just another lie though.

I was kind of hoping for a mega success story of someone reclaiming their marriage from this.

Sorry you are going through this OP. I'm afraid that, in the early days of our relationship, I used to lie to DH all the time. Small lies, to make me feel better or smooth over something i thought that he would not like. No harm, I felt, things like minimising the cost of something I had bought, with my own money, so no odds to him. My mother did this all the time to her husband, I guess I never thought about it being a lie, more a way of placating a husband. Sigh

DH picked his moment to say that he loved me and would like me to trust him with the truth. That he would like there always to be truth between us. It brought me up short, I had had no idea how obvious my lies had been. He never mentioned it again.

It still took me a while to get up the courage to always tell the truth. Including a few times I have found myself telling him the truth, and following up with the lie i wanted to tell, making clear was a was a lie. He has never reacted, so now I absolutely trust him with the truth. And if I find myself thinking, well, I could always tell him.... I work out why I am thinking of lying, it's usually when I am ashamed of what I am about to do. I think lying is a technique of the powerless.

Hope you find what works for you.

My Dp used to be like this I think it stems from overly strict parents who would physically discipline him and his siblings (they all lie quickly without thinking about it as well) so his first instinct if he has done something he feels he shouldn't have is to lie about it and keep denying louder and louder.
It was exhausting I got to the point when i was wondering if i was making things up or seeing things that weren't there. This was having an adverse effect on my mental health, so one day I just snapped I said I know you lie and was able to point out a few that I could prove. I said either it stops or we do.
It didn't stop right away it started out where he would lie and swear blind he was not then after an hour or so when he had calmed down would come and apologise and admit it was daft then it got shorter times to cool down. Now if it happens which is very occasionally I just call bullshit and leave it. He knows he has lied he knows i know and that he was being a bit of a twat.
This worked for us I know you don't want to leave him but maybe you could just call him on the lies don't do it whilst he is denying one though as that will just lead to a row

Thanks everyone. Me and DH have had a bit of time for a chat and you guys are all right, he did admit he has lied since being a child to stop his mam from flipping out if he did something wrong. We've had the first talk in what will probably be many but at least I'm not blaming myself for this anymore. Thanks for the insight, some of you were really on the money here.