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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Confused following break up

18 replies

MozzchopsThirty · 15/08/2016 07:06

Last week I ended my 2 year relationship following a steady decline and culminating in a pretty shit event.

Anyway that aside two days later he messaged saying he realised he'd been a dick, was sorry, wanted to speak to me

Against all my friends advice (and I mean ALL) I did meet him where he apologised again, said he wanted us to be happy.
I told him actions speak louder than words and if he wanted that then he'd have to work bloody hard!

Since then he's sent banal messages, accused me of being sarcastic, made comments about my friends new baby name, then said I've made him feel like he can't be arsed because I've been sarcastic

I'm so angry I feel like such an arse getting sucked back in to this cycle of him making me feel bad and me wondering if it's me!!!

Some MN sense is needed

OP posts:

LittleCandle · 15/08/2016 07:19

Forget him. Block his number, delete him from FB and move on. He's not worth it, and that is why you broke up with him in the first place. But you know this.

Loulou0 · 15/08/2016 07:23

He sound like a tool. He's fucking with your head and playing with you! If he met someone else tomorrow, he'd probably stop contacting you completely. Don't give him the chance - imagine how shit that would feel. You do it first. You know you deserve better than him!

Grannypants1 · 15/08/2016 07:34

End it again he sounds like a right cuntpuffin tool. End of the day a relationship is meant to improve your life not drag it down, he sounds like the black cloud that follows eeyore about the place. Block him, cut contact and spend some time on yourself forging newer more pleasent habits (because 2 years is time you have got into habits with him) you will soon see an improvement, just get over that hurdle.

PurpleWithRed · 15/08/2016 07:36

If you can't listen to yourself (Mozzchops to Mozzchops: you are an arse) listen to your friends. Finish it for good. Move on, be happy.

(Banal messages - intolerable!!)

Dozer · 15/08/2016 07:38

Stop contact with him!

Original poster

MozzchopsThirty · 15/08/2016 07:49

I know
It was so good, but he just started acting like a dick and I've been unhappy for about 6 months trying to please him, support him, say & do the right things.

It ended up worse than my marriage

OP posts:

Joysmum · 15/08/2016 07:55

On the positive side, you're 100% sure he's a nob so you can split be 100% sure you're doing the right thing and move on my re quickly as a result.

Block, go completely NC and be grateful you e not wasted any more of your life on this idiot

Dozer · 15/08/2016 07:58

Well then, after a "honeymoon period" 6 months of him being shit to you (and he still is) and it felt worse than your marriage? Defo time to move on. No contact best.

FreeFromHarm · 15/08/2016 09:55

No Contact is a must, please do not allow him to emotionally abuse you.
Block him.

FunnyTummy · 15/08/2016 10:26

Been here . . .you just need to try and be strong (easier said than done).

If ALL your friends are telling you he is wrong for you, then the chances are . . they are probably right.

it's hard when someone tries sucking you back in - but try to remember the bad bits and how he makes you feel when he is being a knob. then also picture your life without the stress and worry of trying to please him all the time.

I ended up pushing my friends and family away, as I went against their advice so many times. I even started lying to them, as I knew they would be disappointed in me if they knew I was still giving him the time of day.

follow your gut . . .if it doesn't feel right, and if you can't see a future, then stick to your guns and move on.

Good luck x

Original poster

MozzchopsThirty · 15/08/2016 17:54

It did feel so right though, and I loved him like I'd never loved anyone
He blames his ex for all his problems and then blames his behaviour on that

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 15/08/2016 19:22

Just shows you did the right thing initially and you are in no doubt after his recent idiotic messages. At least you won't think 'what if' a few weeks or months down the road.

FunnyTummy · 15/08/2016 19:30

Im sure other people will say this . . . But blaming the ex is totally textbook.

I felt sorry for my bloke at first, as he described his ex as paranoid, controlling, & a pyscho! I then realised that I was becoming all those things, through HIS behaviour! Im sure I am now the 'crazy ex girlfriend'

I know how hard it is when there are feelings involved, but I wish I had left sooner. Xxx

toptoe · 15/08/2016 19:33

He got his toe in the door when you text him. That gave him the all clear that he could behave however he liked. It's not your fault he behaves this way

You did not cause it
You can not control it.
You can not change it.

Because he owns his own behaviour. The only thing you can do is be clear about who and what you want in your life. If he doesn't behave the way he should, don't have him in your life.

TheNaze73 · 15/08/2016 19:46

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me....

So true OP, you deserve much more & you know that. 6 months of your life wasted

Original poster

MozzchopsThirty · 15/08/2016 20:11

Toptoe that's great to remember

Thank you all for giving me a virtual slap round the face
I'll probably need much more of it

OP posts:

FreeFromHarm · 15/08/2016 21:52

You should be proud of yourself, you trusted your gut feeling, wish I had done so , you have good friends to, don't be afraid to shed a tear or two. you have done the right thing

SystemAticcally · 15/08/2016 22:31

As Oscar Wilde said, your behaviour was the

"triumph of hope over experience"

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