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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Clare's law

22 replies

ChristinaParsons · 14/08/2016 20:59

My ex was abusive. My children and me were put on the police at risk register. I threw him out last year. He is claiming to his new partner that I am crazy and toxic. My Domestic violence liaison officer tells me they can contact her using Clare's law.
I am happy to be rid of him, but what is the realistic right option?

OP posts:
LottieL · 14/08/2016 21:05

If it were me I wouldn't give him another reason to contact me and certainly not a reason to be angry at me.

Original poster
ChristinaParsons · 14/08/2016 21:10

These are my thoughts. I have not spoken to him since he left. The children have not seen him for a year and not contacted him since December

OP posts:
HairySubject · 14/08/2016 21:18

My exh put me in the hospital. When I found out he had moved in with another woman I considered telling her but I decided against it. I would have been painted as the jealous ex and pushed them closer together.

Sometimes you have to do what is best for you and let others worry about themselves. I know that is not very sisterhood of me but the likelihood is she wouldn't believe you anyway if he has his claws in.

DancingDinosaur · 14/08/2016 21:25

What does the liason officer think should happen? Is the new partner likely to be at risk? Does your ex know where you are?

hownottofuckup · 14/08/2016 21:27

Them telling her re Claire's Law has nothing to do with you. I wouldn't give it another thought.

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 14/08/2016 21:32

My understanding of it is that the information can only be disclosed if the new partner or their friends/family make an application for the information under the law. So it wouldn't have anything to do with you, unless you wanted to make a request as a third party. But I am not a lawyer or anything so I might be wrong.

Original poster
ChristinaParsons · 14/08/2016 21:39

I have no idea how it works. The liaison officer wants to see inform but I guess that is her job.
I am also of the opinion that she would not believe anything I said. I am the crazy, toxic ex who made his life hell.
The feminist in me is saying obviously she should be made aware.
The selfish side says if you take on a man who describes his wife as crazy and his children don't want anything to do with him. Shouldn't you be asking yourself a few questions?

OP posts:
MsMims · 14/08/2016 21:44

Would the police disclose who had made the request? If it's anonymous I would do it without hesitation.

WantToRunAgain · 14/08/2016 21:47

This happened to a friend of mine. Met an "amazing" man who was sadly prevented from seeing his children because of his toxic ExW. We all felt so sorry for him. He was so lovely to her.

Then she got pregnant. And that's when the beatings started. We all realised how wrong we had been.

If she had been told by the ExW, would she have believed her?

I don't know Sad.

Original poster
ChristinaParsons · 14/08/2016 21:54

I would never contact her personally. But that is the dilemma I guess, if it comes from the police. What do you think your friend would have done? Carried on anyway? I don't know her, no idea what she would think. I'm certainly not interested in provoking the ex. But am I being selfish protecting myself and my children?

OP posts:
Mumteedum · 14/08/2016 21:59

Spurioser is right. It's not for you to worry about as such. It would be the ex's new dp or her family.

FreeFromHarm · 14/08/2016 22:01

It's comes from the police, are you under MARAC ?

timelytess · 14/08/2016 22:09

There's always the possibility that he's an entirely different person with her than with you.

Penfold007 · 14/08/2016 22:22

Clare's Law is a right to ask law. It's not for you to request that the new GF is informed. The liaison officer shouldn't be putting you under any pressure, it's not your decision to make.

bluecashmere · 14/08/2016 22:27

What is that comment all about timelytess?

Original poster
ChristinaParsons · 14/08/2016 22:30

I didn't request that she was informed. I told the officer he had a new partner, the liaison officer calls me every 6 months. Presumably to check I am still alive.
For her sake I hope he is

OP posts:
ApocalypseSlough · 14/08/2016 22:30

I don't even know where to start with that timely
OP is your liaison officer asking you permission or suggesting you contact her?

Namechanger2015 · 14/08/2016 22:31

I married an abusive man, I left him 10 years and 3 children later.

If his first wife had contacted me and told me how he used to hit her it would have just confirmed (in my head) that she was a crazy psycho bitter ex-wife. I would have gone straight to h and told him all about the call.

Now I have left I would absolutely want any new partner to know (he doesn't have one yet afaik so it's not an issue yet) but I doubt it would do any good. It's a really tough position to be in.

Original poster
ChristinaParsons · 14/08/2016 23:03

Yes it is. My children and me are my priority not her. Do I want her to go through what I did? No, but would she listen? And if she did and he thought for one minute that I had fucked up his new life. What would he do

OP posts:
LineyReborn · 14/08/2016 23:06

How do you know how he's describing you to his new partner?

hownottofuckup · 14/08/2016 23:08

If the police are concerned for her under Claire's Law they can inform her off their own accord, no one needs to make an application and you certainly don't need to do anything OP.
Don't give it a second thought.

Original poster
ChristinaParsons · 14/08/2016 23:11

Through what his family have said and Facebook. I have blocked him but our youngest is still on his friend list

OP posts:
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