Has anyone's relationship survived their partner kissing someone else?

[minime88]

Just that really.

Sorry stupid question. I mean, what information did he offer up straight away? Or did you have to drag it out if him?

He came in at 4.30am, I text whilst he was out to ask him to sleep in the spare room so he didn't wake me up but when he got home he came into our bedroom to talk to me about his night (this is a regular occurance when he's drunk). I noticed the lipstick all over his mouth as soon as he came in and told him to go into the spare room room and we'd talk about it tomorrow.

He didn't resurface till after lunch the next day and I refused to speak about it there and then because I didn't want to infront of my daughter. When she went to bed he came and spoke to me. He didn't say anything at first I just explained the lipstick was all over his face so there was no point in actually lying about it. He went dead pale and just ended up telling me what happened, drunk...in the club...snogged etc I can't tell if he's lying and missing out facts....I'm half tempted to message the girl as he told me who it was but don't think I'll get any truth from her.

It's the definition of the kiss though isn't it? A drunken kiss and a lipstick all over the face snog are to me two very different scenarios.

It's the passion and intent which separate them. It's what it have might have led to given the right circumstances and opportunity.

I know this. And my now exH now knows this too. Totally depends on your boundaries though. Everyone's deal breaker is different.

The old "I swear on so and so's life" that's what they all say!
It would be over for me, What about on the next night out he has, would you trust him?

I think you could work through it but I'd call his bluff and say yes, you have to leave your job as the first step in rebuilding my trust in you.

What he's done is dreadful. I'm so sorry.

I just wouldn't make any quick decisions. About anything.

Hmmm he could have told you it was a random person so the fact that he told you the truth that it was a colleague and that he is willing to look for another job makes me think it's salvageable ... had more happened then surely he wouldn't have told you who she was. It's a shit situation for you Op, sorry not much help but I guess I'd be inclined to believe him that he just fucked up and forgiving him would for me depend on his attitude to want to make things work.

The only way it would work if he never, ever went out with work again. Not sure sure if that's realistic?

I think if he is aware of his actions and you are talking things through you are on a good path. But if he denies things and gets defensive that's not good.

No, that is not realistic

And 4:30 am ? What time is chucking out time ?

Yes they have survived, of course.
A relationship can survive anything if you both want it to
It depends on your relationship and what the kiss is all about
A daft drunken snog, for me is fine
Admitting it was a snog when it was a shag - something else but would he have come to chat in those circs?
The start of a sexual affair moving on from what had been an emotional affair, dunno
On ongoing affair but his being pissed let his guard down

Talk to him honestly about it.
I am hugely flirty when out and about but it never amounted to much

This has got to be the best way I've ever heard of for a man to quit his job with his partner's blessing. Just kiss a colleague and then act like you're doing it from the goodness of your heart, and she'll practically beg you to not go back to work where this could happen again.

If you keep him, I'd be watching out for this sort of thing, making sure he's actually applying for new jobs, rather than just laying around the house.

No stopping him going out isn't realistic, if you don't trust him to go out with his work mates then the trust has gone and no point in a relationship. I agree 4.30am is very late to get home for a 38 year old father and DH I'd be questioning where he was until that time. He's saying he'll quit his job for you he won't, why not suggest sitting down to write his notice.

He's done really well in his job and without it, because I work part time since having our DD, we wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage. We're both adults in the sense we know we couldn't leave our jobs without the promise of a new job because to risk financial problems risks both of our futures, whether that be as individuals or as a couple. I agree with AnyFucker knowing it is not realistic for him to never go out with work again. Still pondering whether or not to message this girl to see if I get anything from her.

Most people I know don't go to clubs till 4.am with colleagues. They might go for a meal or drinks and some of the young singles might go on somewhere at the end of the evening but most people will be heading home.

He needs to be thinking about why he thinks it's OK to go on all night piss ups with work while his wife is looking after his baby, especially as he clearly has no self control.

He has behaved very badly, shamed himself, disrespected and hurt you, potentially destroyed his child's family. Offering to leave work and swearing on his child's life are pathetic, self dramatising cop outs. He needs to understand how badly he's behaved, why he allowed himself to do it and how he plans to address the lack of self control, self entitlement and disregard for his marriage, his wife and his child that enabled him to do it.

If he can explain and address that to your satisfaction, it's possible your relationship can survive.

I wouldn't bother OP chances are if something is going on she will just lie

He wasn't in a club til 4.30. He got in at 4.30 according to the OP. I've taken an hour or more to get home sometimes once the obligatory kebab has been eaten and queue for taxi - Clubs/bars are open til at least 4am in most big cities and towns now. That in itself is not the issue.

Only you can decide if you can get past it.

Ask to see his phone. If he says no you have a clear answer

I wouldn't ask to see it. I'd go through it when he's asleep or in the shower or something. I'd look at texts, emails, app messages and location history.

Don't get carried away with all the phone stuff and don't let the hysteria on here persuade you that it was any more than it was. If they'd had sex, his face wouldn't be covered in lipstick - it would have all rubbed off by then, unless she re-applied it before she kissed him goodbye which seems unlikely.

I don't think a kiss in itself is a deal breaker, as someone else has said, it's the intent behind the kiss. Serious lust, knowing you both want to shag, more serious than an "I really, really love you, you're my besht friend ever" drunken kiss. But the first one, if it really didn't lead to anything more, I'd get over. But I've been married a very long time, and I don't think either of us would chuck it all in over a kiss.

Oh and I often go out until the small hours with work colleagues - drinks in pub, out for dinner in Chinatown, maybe karaoke, then on to another bar and a taxi home at 3.00 am is not terribly unusual.

"hysteria"?

Whether you can forgive is a matter for you. But for what it's worth, I don't think it sounds like it was more than a kiss. If it was more than a drunken kiss, it would seem unlikely that he would wake you up to tell you about his night with lipstick still all over his face.

How sordid of him. At best and it really was just this time he is clearly not acting like a committed, loving partner. But I wouldn't trust that someone who would do that once hadn't done so before.

How come he gets hammered so much anyway? And thinks it's OK to wake you up to ramble drunkenly at you?