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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Relationships

I still miss him,how do I forget?

38 replies

Whatdowedo · 14/08/2016 14:35

It's been a year,a whole year I've sat and cried and just been unhappy.
I had liked him for years never dreamed anything between us would ever happen.
Then he told me he had wanted me for years etc.
He had 2 kids who were young and it didn't work because they obviously we're his priority (as it should be) and his ex was crazy.
Anyway I can't move on from him because I know he still has feelings for me too.
We haven't spoken in a year ..he said he couldn't just be my friend.
I just keep thinking back to our first kiss and the time we spent together how good it was.
How comfortable we were together.
Remembering him telling me he loved me etc.
Every night I'm lying in bed thinking of when he used to be cuddling me,and kissing me etc.
I'm going crazy
How do I get over him when I'm still in love with him?

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Whatdowedo · 14/08/2016 19:33

He left her.
She made it difficult for him to see the kids,she would say Come for them Saturday and he would turn up and she wouldn't be in.
I seen all the texts she sent saying if you see her this weekend you won't see your kids for two weeks etc,any ammunition she could get she would use.
It was just a messy messy situation.
He didn't have the balls to stand up to her incase she tried to stop contact all the way together.
He has suffered with depression previously and she said he wouldn't be given joint custody as he has mental health issues.

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Whatdowedo · 14/08/2016 19:34

She might of had his child but she had no right to manipulate him and threaten him to stop him seeing his children.
Why should the woman have all the power.
He was living in fear of her stopping him seeing them all the way together.

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Buzzardbird · 14/08/2016 19:51

Well, there are courts to protect his rights. I suspect he is using her as an excuse. Would you really want to be with a man that might leave you when you are at your most vulnerable?

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Whatdowedo · 14/08/2016 20:10

I would want a man to be with me because he loved me and not because he was scared of me ..but that's just me.

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AyeAmarok · 14/08/2016 20:13

You really have no idea what the situation was between them. Don't use his ex as the excuse that you're not together now. Just accept that he didn't love you enough to make the effort; it wasn't meant to be, and move on.

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Buzzardbird · 14/08/2016 20:16

Pretty sure she didn't hold a gun to his head to make him not once but twice impregnate her

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Ineversaid16 · 14/08/2016 20:18

Buzzard yes that. It's not like they hadn't been intimate for several years .

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Whatdowedo · 14/08/2016 20:25

Yes but they split because he didn't want to be with her anymore ..so because they have children she should be able to dictate the rest of his life? When the children are just as much his as hers.
How does that work?

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Whatdowedo · 14/08/2016 20:25

That was the reason..it's not a case of using it as a reason it's a fact.

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AyeAmarok · 14/08/2016 20:31

Look, you don't understand because you don't have children and haven't been left up shit creek pregnant.

Look how hard you've found it, after a whole year, to get over a relatively short relationship where you rarely saw each other. Now imagine how much more difficult it would have been for his ex to be left pregnant and with a young child, their whole family future blown apart because he decided he didn't want to be with her anymore?

You have no idea what you'd be like n her position. Given how badly you've taken the loss of a not-particularly-interested boyfriend with zero commitments, I'd imagine you wouldn't cover yourself in glory if he'd done the same to you.

Just let it go. He wasn't the one for you.

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Buzzardbird · 14/08/2016 20:34

He sounds like a real 'prize' what. Imagine if the mother could just give up on their children when she felt she had had enough?

I hope you never find yourself in her position.

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Whatdowedo · 14/08/2016 20:46

I have 1 child who is 6 by my ex partner who now is married and I don't bully him or use our daughter as amunition.
So I do understand exactly what it's like to have my life turned upside down.
He hasn't gave up on his children,just because he ended his relationship with the mother of his children does not mean he gave up on his children ...far from it.

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AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/08/2016 20:56

Do you see from all the excuses that you're having to make for him that this was far from perfect?

Anyway to get over him, it'll take some effort now. You've probably did all the healing that you're going to do naturally. Stop looking at him through rose tinted glasses, distract yourself when you think of him, keep yourself busy. Try not to pine after him. If you haven't spoken in a year, it's over. There's no way back. Realistically, he's probably well over any feelings he had, if he did. You need to be the same. You're throwing a lot of time away for a man that could never commit.

This will be hard to hear, but remember that everyone hear has nothing to gain other than helping you.