Male friend seems to be flirting, am I being a prude?

[CannotEvenDeal]

I'm happily married with dh. Together for 10 years and married for 8. We have dss with us ft and I adore him like my own. Am currently on holiday with dss just the two of us and we are having a fab time but I miss dh like crazy. He is The One lol.

I have a male friend who I met through my old job. He is married with two daughters. We have a similar sense of humour and get on well. The kids play together a few times a year.

He saw my Facebook profile picture of me dss and sent me a DM a bit out of the blue to say how amazing I looked and he really liked my outfit. I was a bit surprised and thanked him before changing the subject to the Spanish heatwave we are experiencing. He went back to the subject of my looks and how great the photo is. I think he might have said I looked fit or hot but I can't bring myself to reread it tbh. It's a summer top but not that revealing and my assets are not great lol.

I'm disappointed about him messaging me like this because I feel uncomfortable and would not like my dh to message another woman like that. Dh and I are very open with our phones etc and I know that if he saw that on there he would not be pleased and I wouldn't blame him.

I feel like I want to block my friend and forget about him because he is no way anyway near as important to me as my marriage. But then I worry that deleting the chat somehow looks like I have something to hide. I could easily never run into him again so blocking is a definite option.

Or Am I being a prude?

(I most definitely do not want to reply something about his wife because I'm worried he could think I'm leading him on, as in like Stop it, Oh actually don't.)

McBassy:

1. He knows she's married.
2. He doesn't get to assume she's interested until told otherwise. Quite the opposite.

And bully for you that you're fashion conscious. If it works for you and your family/friends, great.

It's clearly not working for OP. She's feeling uncomfortable, second-guessing herself and his actions are now going to limit her movements. All because he can't keep a civil tongue in his head.

I'm 'wound up and annoyed' because he is my only straight male friend and I didn't like the repeated compliments or digs about his wife.

McBassyPants re: female friends I would hope that you don't tell them that women of your wife's build do nothing for you

Thanks again all

Oh dear!, that perennial problem of women having a male friend;!

You'll have to tell him that it has upset you and you have been offended and he has overstepped that very fine line that exists in such a friendship.

If he has any sense he'll apologise and hopefully realise that for a man he has a rare valuable thing in a female friend who will see things differently, be able to give a differing opinion than what any of his mates can.

And no, your not being a prude at, all far from it.

god the pearl clutching on this
I don't need to tell my husband every time a man flirts with me - christ ALIVE!

Just tell him to pack it in and stop making such a big deal of it

This is a definitive approach by a married man, knowing the woman is married, and he even knows the h.

This isn't merely flirtation by some random, and ffs, it's not being nice

its a case of blocking the contact, and when she gets home to say to dh, oh, btw, got some dodgy messages from X, he's blocked and I'll not be hearing from him any time soon. I'd expect nothing less if the shoe were on the other foot tbh. If nothing is said, it allows space for this bloke to make trouble. By blowing this out to the open, he won't come near again.

Jack nope no pearl clutching here but I hope it made you feel better throwing in an mn cliché. Your reading skills clearly need some work as I never made reference to telling my dh everything.

Thanks Hissy for actually getting the point.

And by 'everything' I mean every time a man flirts with me.

I think it can be out in the open without the blocking and fretting, though, surely?

OP I can understand that you're annoyed, if he's your only straight male friend who you now have to avoid. That's different. It's crappy and a let down. I would feel annoyed also. Plus it makes things awkward etc from now on wrt play dates.

I just don't get the shock-horror attitude. He's a twat. There is no threat to OP's relationship if it's out in the open and there's no reciprocation. Surely just radio silence from OP, share with DH and adjust interaction from now on. Then carry on with life... If OP's relationship is strong and solid something like this just isn't a significant threat????

All the pearl-clutching just seems OTT to me...

No, certainly not a threat Handy but as you say, annoying after a five year friendship where our families know each other.

As I've said upthread, I do think my reaction was heightened by being away at the moment.

everyone is saying TELL YOUR HUSBAND
fucking hell - is he your keeper? No. Its your friend, tell him to pack it in

Jack what's with the caps lock?

If the thread is making you so angry just unfollow it. Please.

oh god it is! the rage!