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[newworldnow]

Found out h had been using escorts for 6 years or more. For some reason I didn't leave. got nil emotional support as he couldn't cope with it being mentioned. He either attacked or ran away. So I ended up ill on ADs. He said it was because I was middle aged. So for a long time I raged which isn't good. I had PTSD which I'm out of now.
Move along 5 years and he sleeps in spare room and thinks he's hard done to.
So....he left phone out and I looked because I think he's looking at porn on twitter. He uses 500mg a month. He doesn't use any social media so I presume I'm right so I mentioned it.
Well he blew up and was very aggressive and said I was an imbecile and I couldn't even adjust the blinds correctly that evening. So he had stored anything I had done badly and spewed it all out. That I was weird to have looked.
This morning he has carried on trying to demean me by shouting and saying he's leaving because there's nothing in it for him anyway as its my fault we don't have a proper relationship. but every time I have trust issues this s what I get. Says he doesn't understand why.
I'm being abused hook line and sinker aren't I?

I don't think it's necessarily abuse. Your partner sounds like a tit though. What's his definition of proper relationship?

Well my definition is one where you are supported emotionally and each take responsibility. And have respect. He treats me with contempt or cries.

TheNaze what is your definition of abuse?

Why are you with him? From what you've written there doesn't seem to be much point staying married to him.

Look, you should have left him over the escorts. Since then he's behaved really badly and you're still there. What will it take for you to dump him? What would he have to do?

He stored all of that venom up waiting for the moment you caught him at it again. The idea being that when you confronted him he could knock your self worth and confidence to hell and deflect from the fact that he's a cheating scumbag.

The fact that he wouldn't fess up the whole mess of what he did speaks volumes. How does that establish a clean slate of trust? In effect he's refusing to admit he's at fault. He should be doing everything to convince you that he is open and trustworthy now.

And if he was sleeping with escorts whilst in your marital bed then for sure the probability is that he'll be using them whilst sleeping in the spare room...maybe even as a revenge "f*ck".

What's the relevance of you being middle aged? Is he in his twenties? A body building athletic model? What gives him the right to pick that as a fault?

He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

I think abuse is about coercion & control.

I understand what you're definition is of a relationship is but, what's his as you mentioned in your original post? I'm trying to get my head around why, a cheat like he obviously has been thinks you're falling short there?
I think you've been tolerant beyond what most people will have done, I could have never have forgiven that

I know that now of course I do. But at the time I was really ill with shock and stress so couldn't react normally. If these things haven't happened to you its easy to have a black and white view. Never mind then was seeking support from someone.

He uses escorts.

You don't trust him.

You sleep in separate rooms.

Doesn't really matter how you label it, it's a rubbish relationship and no way to live.

Go your separate ways. You deserve happiness and you're never gong to get it (or any inner peace) whilst you are shacked up with this love rat.

Have you reached your limit yet ?

He is abusive, don't doubt yourself on that.

There is no relationship here.Take him up on his offer to leave. That is the most sense he has been made since he started fucking prostitutes.

Thanks Indeed. Yes the reaction was way over reactive. Apparently he used escorts because he hated me. But that's a long time ago apparently.
Its like following an alcoholic round with a wine bottle saying did you drink this?

So he hated you?

But now what? He loves you again?

You can't live in that kind of confusion and coercion.

What are you asking new?
You already know this relationship is over, a long time ago. Why are you still with him? Why are you choosing to stay with him?

Your relationship sounds like it's over OP. He has checked out

He used escorts to have sex not because he hated you.