Just split up with partner. Freaking the F out.

[missmayup]

After much difficult deliberation, I've just split up with my partner of 4 years. We have two young babies (1 and 2yrs) and it's not been easy. He's been mentally and physically abusive over the years and I've finally broken free of him. However; I am freaking out and need a pep talk from the beauties at Mumsnet!! I'm currently not working and know I need to get to the housing benefit office asap and sort things out, but it hasn't stopped me being TERRIFIED that I've made a huge mistake. Is there anyone out there the other side of all of this whose less crazy now? Massive love to all of you xxx

[Littleladylumps]

Well done you have taken the first and biggest step!
Get lots of cuddles from the babies, get sleep and accept any help from family and friends.
It's like a loss and the ups and downs you will feel in the next month or so will be crazy, but down doubt your self

[talesofthevillage]

Sounds like there are very good reasons to split with him. You are being brave. Take it one day at a time. Rest and eat well. Get support from anyone who offers. You will be okay

[newworldnow]

Of course you're terrified but once you are over the fear it will be easier I promise

[loveyoutothemoon]

Well done and it sounds like it was the right thing.

You sound like how I was at first. My uncertainty very definitely became certainty quite quickly!

You've been brave and you should congratulate yourself.

[ImperialBlether]

Nobody makes a mistake by leaving an abusive man, OP. Things will get better very, very soon.

Congratulations on making it happen.

[CoolioAndTheGang]

It won't be easy but you're doing the best you can for you and your dc. They are depending on you so stay strong. You deserve better and so do they. Do you have any support in real life? Take each day as it comes, stand strong, you can do this.

[Lilacpink40]

I felt incredible guilt after split with STBXH, even though he had OW and had been controlling, manipulative and cruel to me. You may get odd feelings after split. Stay strong and have positive goals, e.g. 6 months on I'll be more secure. 1 year on I'll be doing x,y and z.

[Lillygolightly]

I'm going through the exact same thing except we were together 13 years and pretty much all my adult life was with him. I have 2 DC also and I am terrified too. I didn't expect the loneliness to be so crushing. Don't get me wrong it's not that I want him back and it's not that I want someone else either....it's just that I feel alone...really alone and I too am terrified. I just keep telling myself it's early days and I will settle down, I will be happy again someday and fact is after his emotional abuse I was NEVER going to be happy if I had stayed.

I think hands down this is the most traumatic thing I've ever done EVER!!! I'm am BRAVE and so are YOU! We made a difficult choice, but it's the right one and it WILL get better and we won't always be terrified, we will get stronger!

[missmayup]

Thankyou so so much everyone for your kind words, they have definitely given me a strength I didn't know I had!!

Coolio, I do yes, but sometimes they can make it worse!! I know it's only because they care, but it's nice to talk to someone new :)

And LillyG, we are awesome!! Stay strong too, it's so so hard and scary... But we gotta stick together in this crazy world. Massive love to you, I will keep you all updated. Xxxxxxxxxxx

[Lilacpink40]

It can be lonely,, but when you're stable and confident you can meet someone else. I held off dating for 7 months after split.

I've met someone and enjoying the fun and attention. Even if it doesn't work out, I'm enjoying being part of starting a normal relationship and would be more confident to end if it's wrong.

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

If you need financial support, get yourself down to the CAB, they can advise you on what national benefits you are entitled to claim, like Housing Benefit and also what local schemes are in place too. For instance, there are some charities that provide white goods for people/families with low incomes, or interest free loans for things like school uniform. You won't know what help is out there for your particular situation if you don't ask.

[missmayup]

Thankyou Decaf, my local council has a lovely drop in centre so I am heading down Monday. :)

Having a hard day of it today, ex has brought me flowers and pjs and asking to take me out for dinner, starting to feel like a total shit :( xxxxxxxxx

[springydaffs]

Uh-oh. Don't be taken in by that shit. Please!

Do the Freedom Programme. Google it, click ' find a course ' to find your nearest course. Go! It'll open your eyes and give you the strength to stay gone for good.

The terror passes, I promise. You are only terrified bcs he's brainwashed you over years that you couldn't survive without all his abuse. Work that one out eh.
Xx

[pinkyredrose]

Stay strong, don't fall for his emotional pity me crap. You know it's just to get you back and then he'll start with the abuse again. He probably doesn't like the feeling that he hasn't got full control over you. You know flowers won't mend yrs of abuse. If he really cared about you he wouldn't have treated you like shit.