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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Trying not to be upset but ...

15 replies

Lucaslovesfelicity · 11/08/2016 20:09

My dad is 65, divorced from my mum and being seeing a lovely Filipino lady for the past 3 years. She is only a little younger than him and he is pretty smitten and I am all in all pretty happy for them. I have certain worries and reservations that I never express, as I just want him to be happy and don't feel it's my place to do so. My dad has Aspergers and more often than not, does or says things that can be pretty egocentric and hurtful but I try to let things go as much as possible. However, today he informed me that he had been talking about bridesmaids for his up and coming wedding, and I thought I heard him say that he was thinking of asking one of my daughters to be a bridesmaid. My response was that "my little girl would be honoured and thank you for asking her". He went quiet and said " no, you have misunderstood me, I am thinking of asking one of my sisters grandaughters who we see quite regularly to be our bridesmaid" BlushConfused. Now, I would say that I see my dad with my 3 children at least once a month if not more, so was just a little hurt but never said anything has it is their decision and I want them to have who they feel is the most appropriate. However, now I feel that o don't want to take my kids with me to the wedding as I think my little girl will be hurt to see another girl dressed up as a bridesmaid for her grandad. I'm just not sure what to do, as I don't want to cause friction before the wedding but can't help feeling pretty Angry

OP posts:
chocoLit · 11/08/2016 20:14

Can you not just ask him? Say 'did you mean as well as DD because, as I mentioned she would love that'

Original poster
Lucaslovesfelicity · 11/08/2016 20:22

Hi Chocolit, yes I did but he said his partner just wanted his great niece as she is older (teenager) and my daughter is 6 and that his sister (my auntie) has been telling him how much of a hard time she has been having and it will cheer her up. It's the brides choice in the end but I feel that it's going to be so hard with my 2 daughters their and son and it being his great niece who's the only bridesmaid.

OP posts:
chocoLit · 11/08/2016 20:28

Unfortunately then it is their choice Sad Just buy the girls fancy dresses?? At the ripe old age of 6 they might not notice? I'm aware that's grasping at straws and I understand why you're hurt but there isn't much else you can do about it.

Original poster
Lucaslovesfelicity · 11/08/2016 20:37

I know Choco, it's me that is probably the one who will only feel hurt on the day. There is nothing I can do or really want to... Just needed to rant more than anything x

OP posts:
chocoLit · 11/08/2016 21:55

Rant away here. Whenever you want but they'll feel fabulous in a lovely dress of their choosing and you can just relax away from all the drama involved with being part of the bridal party.

Just make sure to have lots of lovely bubbly and look smug due to your lack of official duties Wine

Atenco · 12/08/2016 01:06

It is you, Choco. You've got to treat it as the most normal thing in the world so your kids don't pick up on your disappointment.

janaus · 12/08/2016 04:12

I don't think its such a bad idea that your DD is not bridesmaid.
It might make DD and also your mother feel a bit awkward.
Just smile, and enjoy the day.

chocoLit · 12/08/2016 07:52

Atenco?

Toffeelatteplease · 12/08/2016 08:01

tbh once a month isn't that often if they see the great neice much more often I can well see why they would pick her.

Take it graciously and hide your disappointment for the sake of your DD, it really is all you can do

SandyY2K · 12/08/2016 08:02

I could have sworn posted in this. Must have got lost in cyberspace.

Anyway .... what I said is they probably opted for an older bridesmaid because they are an older couple.

Sometimes older couples don't go for as much fuss with little bridesmaids /flower girls.

I initially thought I can see why you felt upset, but that's when I thought the girls were around the same age.

Just get her a pretty dress for the day.

Original poster
Lucaslovesfelicity · 12/08/2016 23:47

Thanks for taking your time to comment, maybe I am being a little bit oversensitive Sad. I am going to smile and keep my head down on the day but I just feel that he's my dad, his partner has no family living over here or attending and well.... I don't know... my dad never even saw his great niece up until a year ago and I have never even met her. I'm just going to feel a little bit hurt sitting behind all these distant relatives, who some I have never met due to my dad never being interested in having relationships with them to then having to talk to my second cousin (the bridesmaid) sat with them at the head table. Just feels really Sad

OP posts:
chocoLit · 12/08/2016 23:55

You are absolutely and justifiably allowed to be hurt by this.

It's a shit decision on their part and one that will cause a lot of raised eyebrows.

I think, however, everyone is just trying to recommend some damage limitation for you. If you allow it to eat you up it will ruin any enjoyment of the day for both you and your DD and possibly damage the relationship irrevocably.

You ARE allowed to be hurt. I'd be devastated too Flowers

springydaffs · 13/08/2016 00:05

So would I Flowers

Original poster
Lucaslovesfelicity · 13/08/2016 00:06

Thanks Choco Flowers you are so right, I've got to let this one go. Families !!Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucaslovesfelicity · 13/08/2016 00:23

Thanks Springy Flowers

OP posts:
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