Sexual Problem

[NotAPrude]

(sorry for the name change, personal)

MY DP has a very high sex drive, I have quite a low drive.

The problem is I tried to make an effort but I just can't stand him near me, I don't find him attractive and I do whatever I can to get out of having to sleep with him (I must have the longest period's going) but he tries and tries every night and I feel like everytime I go to bed I'm under pressure to do something and it's got to the point where I actually dread going to bed, or I make sure I go early and pretend to be asleep when he comes up (not that it stops him trying). The more he tries the more repulsive I find him and I know that sounds awful, he's a nice person on the inside but I just can't break down this barrier and its putting so much pressure on me, I'm running out of excuses and he's running out of patience.

Please help

I think this must be one of the most common relationship problems going. The more he wants you the more he puts you off.

Tell him catagorically that pestering you night after night is your ultimate turn off. Set a night aside where you and your dh relax together, let him give you a massage or something with a strict no sex rule. Make this a regular thing and perhaps it may get you in the mood a bit.

He must understand that he is not helping the situation.

If he didn't pester you, are there occassions when you may feel 'up for it'? Or do you simply not find him physically attractive anymore?

Its a difficult one, hope someone else can give you some better advice.

It's a mixture of things but all of them make me sound shallow as hell.

He's overweight and he doesn't really take care of himself in other ways either, for instance he has had a chipped tooth for years and he never got it seen to and it's now died and the gum around it is all black and mouldy looking which I find horribe. Plus he never brushes his teeth before he goes to bed either and with his disgusting diet, for instance he will quite often gobble down a kebab takeaway before bed and so once he gets into bed he's grunting, farting and burping etc and he just makes me feel sick but how do I be honest with him about all this without deeply offending him?

Plus he finds it hard to climax and gets tired quickly so he always says something stupid like "time for you to do some work now" and that puts me off even more.

I just feel so stressed out about it.

It's no wonder you're not exactly leaping on him, is it ?

That doesn't make you sound shallow at all! I certainly wouldn't want to have sex if that is what you have to look forward to! Sorry not much help I know, but am sure someone will along soon who will be of more help.

its the way you couch it.

"look darling i have some things to say which i need to get out in the open. i know your frustrated at the lack of sex, i am frustrated too. I am not your friend, your mate, a fella down the pub, i am your partner in life. I am not asking for the moon. but i have some self resepct. and its ont hat point i cannot waiver. i will not have sex with a man who thinks i am not worth brushing his teeth for, having a bath for, changing clothes, putting on deoderant for. i am much more than a vagina. i have 5 senses and the same emotions as most women. I am not asking for romance and candles everynight. just a wash and some tenderness. i think i am worth that much"

Well put Custy!

excellent post custy

fwiw although my dh is clean he repulses me too - he is big anyway but he's actually put even more weight on his stomach and its vile. so when he asks for a bj i tell him i would if i could get to it

the other stock answer is "NO"

I love Custy

Drag him by the hair to the mirror.... ask him if what he sees is even half-way fanciable. Kebabs breath, kebab farts and then being so knackered he demands you do the work??? Bugger that for a lark. Ball is in his court to shape up or ship out to the spare room IMO.

Oh Custy-yet again you so eloquently put what we all feel

I think there are so many aspect up for discussion here. My DH has a big stomach and needs to lose some weight.. (also knows the kebab shop people a little too well!) but he does not have a problem with personal hygiene and does not repulse me, quite the reverse.

Am tempted to suggest that if the relationship was otherwise good you would be able to address these hygiene issues with him and that also, you wouldn't be quite so 'routinely' repulsed by him. And perhaps he is afraid to go to the dentist and needs you to make the appointment for him and tell him you will go with him and hold his hand. This was exactly the support my DH needed when we were first together and his teeth needed a lot of attenion!

Men do fart I'm afraid.. well most of them.. and think it's clever. Farting alone (without the other issues) would just be indicative of a normal man in the company of a woman with whom he is comfortable.. sadly!

(And yes women fart.. but I don't think we revel in it quite as they do.. unless our name is Jade Goody obviously...)

in the words of Zammo.....