Partner doesn't contribute

[LucyZa]

Hi all, I've been with my partner for 5 years. when we met he was separated and has 3 kids. That wasn't a big issue for me at the time.

However Our relationship progressed, I got pregnant and he moved into my house. It's when our daughter was born that things changed. He pays half his wages to his ex and therefore has no money left for us. He doesn't contribute to the mortgage and I have to beg him to pay half the bils. I pay for everything for our child while he worries about paying his ex and the kids. I could get over that but now he is off work and living with him is a nightmare, he is constantly moody and sulky. He is dragging his heels on his divorce and we are 5 years in with a child yet he has no urgency to do anything. He gets odd if I want to meet friend.if I go for a cigarette at home without asking him to come he gets odd, if I call to my parents he arrives up and I have no space.if I go we go to bed at the same time he gets annoyed if I want to sleep while he reads. If i want to go to bed rather than watch TV with him he gets odd.
Our weekends have to revolve around meeting his other kids, which is ok as I want my daughter to have a bond with them but when I need or want to do my own thing and meet my friends this not seeing them he won't talk to me for the weekend.Also when I would prefer to have a day with my daughter alone rather than spending the day with them it ruins the weekend.
On top of that we have a child who doesn't sleep and I have to get up during the night to her while he Sleeps even though I am the one working. I do all the housework and clean up and child care while he sits surfing the net. If I ask him to help out he gets annoyed like a teenager. Maybe I am being unreasonable as he does occasionally get his act together and help out but then the novelty of that wears off.
As a result I have been diagnosed with a stress ulcer, have lost weight and I just can't handle the lack of emotional, physical, financial support.
I need advice on how i can approach the subject of him leaving. We discussed it before as I have given him ultimatums which never work. When I asked him to leave he threatens me and says I will have to call the guards to get him to go. I just don't know what to do anymore

When I asked him to leave he threatens me and says I will have to call the guards to get him to go.

I'd take him up on that invitation. He's clearly not going to listen to you alone. You need back-up.

You are NOT overreacting. He threatened you.

Say it with me: "I am NOT overreacting. He threatened me."

Get strong. Stay strong.

Controlling and abusive, selfish and childish. You appear to be living your life-and your child's life-around him and his other kids. Why don't you call the guards and have him removed if it's your house? Change the locks!

the house is yours
you can tell him to get out and you can have the locks changed when he's not there.

nothing about this is normal btw.

What Lorelei said...

He really is one of life's "users" and you don't seem to want to be with him anyway. He's refused to leave when you asked. Might be worth getting a quick zap of legal advice and reassurance but I think you know what needs to happen. Also, can you visit the garda and ask for their advice too? Have you considered charging him rent for staying put? That's by the by though. You'd prefer him to just go, wouldn't you? Does he go out at all? In the extreme you could change the locks when he goes shopping. But you'd need to be really geared up for that and would need the garda when he kicked off.

He's a cocklodger. He has a comfortable little life whilst you earn the money and run around after your DD and do all the housework. Of course he's not going to get a job, why would he?