This may come across as very sad and pathetic but I am fed up of no affection in my marriage. I was almost on the weekend All because when we were out for dinner and he smiled at the waitress as she was taking our plates away and said "thank you that was lovely"
This is from the man who cannot compliment me. Ever on anything I ever do.
He never shows me any affection at all or any compliments in any form. I have spoken to him about it until I'm blue in the face and nothing ever changes. He normally tries to change the subject pretty fast then says stop going on I said I'd try and make a effort. Even after talking about it nothing will change.
I blew up at him a couple of weeks ago as I've lost weight recently and was trying a new style of jeans lighter in colour than I ever worn before and was worried they looked a bit cheap so asked his opinion he glanced round for a second and said fine. I said can you look at them properly before I cut the tag off as I'm not sure on them. He said "oh stop fishing for compliments" so I said very angrily "that would be a fine day wouldn't it as you've not complimented me on my appearance in 13 FIng years and that breaks my heart" I stormed off in tears.
I know he loves me but it makes me feel unloved and unwanted.
We get on alright, not tonnes in common but he doesn't really talk to me. Never asks about me, you know how are you, how's your day ect. Yet when he's with other people his friends he's constantly asking them things and smiles and acts like he wants to be round them and I get nothing.
As I've said I've brought these things up before but got nothing. He's not a bad person he's just not the best around me I finally thought I'd got through to him as 2 weeks ago it was our wedding anniversary and I made him a picture DVD of our life's from day 1. Midway through watching it he was crying, sobbing his heart out I asked what was wrong and he kept saying I'm sorry he finally got it out that he's sorry he hasn't been a better husband to me. He never crys, seen him cry once and yet nothing's changed. I am so fed up and am just thinking why bother.
I don't want to spend time with him anymore, when he comes in I find things to do to get away from him, it's not right.
He's not a bad person he just can't seem to show any sort of affection to me in any form. He used to be very affectionate and I remind him of that but people can change apparently.
Even during sex, no kissing well last occasion was approx 2012, doesn't kiss me anywhere doesn't even seem to look at me much anymore.
it's getting me down to the point I've even been contemplating ending things. But ATM that is not possible my circumstances will change in January wise but ATM I'm doing a little craft self employed business from home and get max £250 a month from that and child benefit for 1 child. And with that I could afford to pay council tax and gas and electric and that's it.
We had a long talk about 2 months ago where we were open and honest to each other and what we wanted from each other. Mine was a simple
1, spend a bit more quality time each day to talk I suggested a coffee together. 2, more affection. He promised things would change.
His items were. 1, the house was becoming a mess could I try and do more round the house. 2, my smoking was a issue he hated the smell to the point if i went in to his him on the lips he would turn his head so I got his cheek.
I wanted to give up smoking for 6 months and took up vaping but was still having 3-4 a day. I've been smoke free for 4 weeks now and I've gone a long way to sorting out our house it's not perfect but it's decluttered and massively improved.
He's not changed, I still go to kiss him and he turns away.
He was quite talkative after work yesterday as he's been offered a new position at work if he wants it. 3 days a week instead of 5 bit longer working days. For him it's going to be great but I'm dreading it. I'm going to have him home for full days.
At the moment there so under staffed he has been working weekends for a while now so this is going to be a huge change and it fills me with utter dread.
It's putting me in a permanent mood now he's always asking what's up and I just can't talk about it all again. I've tried being over nice and affectionate and nothing tried pulling away completely and nothing.
As I've got at-least until January before I can act on my issues where do I go from here?