I'm struggling to cope with everyday life

[Imjustnotcoping]

I've name changed.

It's only half 8, I've been up for just half an hour and I've already yelled at the kids and I'm now locked in my room crying.
I can't cope anymore.
They are driving me to depression.
I yelled at them about a fucking yoghurt. My 7yr old took his 3yr old sister's from her because his had a plastic spoon. She then cried, I told him nicely (I always start off nicely) that that one was hers. He then cried because he didnmt want a baby spoon. He fucking cried over a plastic fucking spoon. I flipped. I yelled at him and belittled him for crying over a spoon.
I then went to my room to do a job, couldn't get the drawer open. Hit it because it wouldn't open and then just sat there crying.
My 7yr old is in his room playing and sulking, my 3yr old is crying outside my bedroom door. I don't want to open it. I know I'll just be cross.

I can't cope anymore. I never have fun with them, I yell at then every day, I belittle my 7yr old. If he hates me then I don't blame him. I'm miserable & impatient. The only time we do have fun is when we're outside with friends.

My dh works away. He is back next week. I'm on my own until then, no family close by. We moved away from family & friends 2yrs ago. I think that's half my problem, I want to move back but we can't.

I'm tempted to walk out as soon as he walks in next week.

I hate how I am to my 7yr old. He's so lovely and sensitive & I'm horrible to him.

That's what I'n trying to figure out ifeelyour
I'n generally quite chilled out and happy. But in the past 6months I have become short tempered, it's starting to become the norm and I don't want that. I too can't figure out whether it is a stage I need to ride through or the start of something more sinister. I'm not sure how depression manifests itself.

Although I've made some nice new friends in our new area and my son has settled in to school I desperately want to move back to where we were before but it is not an ideal place for us in terms of schooling & work. But I miss the closeness of the friendship groups I had there, and my mum was only 45mins down the road.

Argh name change fail! Oh well!

I was in a similar lonely situation when the kids were small. Remember one birthday in particular at the weekend - had the kids alone all day. In the end I took them to the zoo and the park for hours and just sat on a bench eating sweets watching them play. I had a season ticket for the zoo so it was my go to activity when I'd had enough.

I'd also suggest a chat with the doctor. And the practical reasons for living where you are sound very sensible, but frankly they should come second to your happiness. You seem to be taking on a lot to make life easier for others. Perhaps you could also look into why you are putting your own needs last?

I remember reading somewhere that, "You are never so low as when your second child is two years old"
I'm probably misquoting but I clung to knowing that it was a fact and a shared experience very much for about a year. It was the hardest year I've ever known. I'm glad you've come on here and found that you are not alone, not going crazy, that it comes right and that you shouldn't feel you are not being sucessful if that's how things are for you right now.
So many of us who didn't have " The village" to help raise our children will have "funny" stories about how we coped, but they are only funny in hindsight, what they are at the time is clever, inventive, brave and resourceful, that's an amazing combination of things to be as a parent. But not possible 100% of the time and not something to aim for either.
Knowing when to ask for help, or realising you really do have to put on your emergency oxygen mask first, is also part of this. Sometimes looking after yourself even a little is the only way to be able to carry on as you need to recharge.
I personally thought I was going to be "Mary Poppins", not "Mary drives the kids round in the car till they fall asleep then has a nap in a supermarket car park"..see.. funny in hindsight.

My 22 year old has inoperable stage 4 brain cancer. He has been very positive as radio and chemo therapy gone well and tumour showing shrinkage. However he is now back on steroids suffering several focal seizures per day and is feeling extremely low despite positive reports from consultant. My 17 year old son is in denial and devastated had to administer emergency anti seizure meds to Sam while we were out (picking up our daughter from gymnastics 2.5 miles away). He failed AS Levels big style and sister failed early gcse exams too. Undetstandably. These exams happened while we as parents were in walton for 3 days with our eldest having brain biopsy. School been great. Paying for extra lessons and sorting everything. I am a supply teacher so no work no pay and finance becoming an isdue. I am really struggling today never been online before but all family struggling. Daughter ranted at me cos everything my fault including her skin. Her skin is not that bad. Just to her. Aaaarrrgh.

You might want to start a new thread as this is quite an old one. No advice but rant away, what a horrible time for you and your family.

This is my first time logging onto anything - shows how desperate i am. What do i do ? Completely lost. Trying to support him, his dad/my husband/brother 17& 15 yr sister. Also my dad brother sister etc. I feel finished. Nothing leff to give.

I'm so sorry to hear about your son op, life must be incredibly difficult for you at the moment.

If you go to relationships you'll see the threads all lusted and to the right there's a drop down menu where you can add a thread.

Wishing you and your family all the very best x

Hi,
Sorry you're having a hard time of it. No wonder, if you have no support and your DH is away. I felt like you when DC were small. I had undiagnosed PND and really got stressed coping alone.

I know it sounds unlikely, but I really felt life transformed after I read a book called Positive Parenting. When DC play up, you listen to them, really listen, and take them seriously and acknowledge their needs. It sounds like you'd be making things worse, but their whining stopped almost instantly. It felt miraculous, going form stressed and shouty to warm and friendly almost immediiately and it's never gone back. We are the least tense family I know.

I got into the habit of always apologising if I'd been mean, and saying that I was cross because i was tired and it was unfair to shout at them. At the time I felt awful that this was happening too often, but looking back, it helped them learn that no one is perfect and that you can forgive people. Good lessons.

If the day has gone badly, I find it's always worth trying to salvage it at the end of the day so it finishes on a good note. It's worth sayings oemthing like: we had a row earlier and that's upset us. Let's have some fun together now to make up for it.' Then let them choose the fun - a story or DVD or playing a game together - whatever. End with tucking them in goodnight.

Hi.
I stumbled across this post today as I was reaching out to google at work for help on not being able to cope with my life as a mother/wife/general dogsbody!

I could have also written the post myself and feel like we are all battling with the same issues.

This post was a year or so ago. what I would like to know is how people got through it? found a way to cope? or if they tried but failed miserably.
I will definitely read Millifiori's recommendation, Positive parenting. as I am desperate.
Anyone have any other inspiring tips.

Thanks all, stay strong and let love rule. :-)

Yes I remember these feelings and even sometimes worrying that they will kill each other.
You can read about development stages and you will see that at this age they just get easily frustrated and can't control it. It's nothing to do with your ability as a mum.
I found the book: How to talk so kids will listen and listen to kids will talk, by Faber very useful.
Another good resource is www.handinhandparenting.org/. They post some really good stuff on Facebook too.