How long does it take to get the courage to leave EA?

[12hours]

I posted here at the weekend about my husband chasing a younger woman at work. The bigger issue is that he is EA and gas been for such a long time that it has become so normal that I feel like I am making a fuss over nothing. I get the silent treatment regularly for up to 3 weeks at a time, he will speak to the kids very happily, but treat me as though I don't exist. The atmosphere in our home when that is going on is horrific, it makes me have panic attacks. I gave tried to reason with him over the years (have been known to actually beg him in the past to speak to me, just to take the anxious feelings away. I spend my whole life when he is talking to me walking on eggshells incase I upset him again and get another dose of it. In January, after 3 weeks of this shit, I told him I had had enough, I didn't want to live like this anymore. I hate the person I have become, like a pathetic excuse for a human being. Outside of the home, I have a great job, am financially independent, etc - it's just when I am at home that I feel like crap. We have two DCs who I worry about as they are getting older. I worry that he will transfer his silent treatment to them as they grow up and want to be independent and have opinions of their own. Husband is very short tempered, he goes off about things the average person generally wouldn't, is so horribly derogatory to me in the way he speaks when he is in the moods and then just snaps out of it weeks later and we are all supposed to carry on as normal. I have decided that I no longer want to be married to him or live with him anymore. Have seen a solicitor for advice, counsellor, etc and made up my mind. My problem is that I just DO NOT have the guts to tell him! It's in my head and my heart, it just won't come out of my mouth. I suppose I am just scared of his reaction, but what's the worst he can do? Not speak to me?! He can say one thing to me in a certain way and I am actually paralysed by panic.

Anyway, as I have seen a number of brave threads on here about people having the guts to leave......if you have any advice or experiences to share, I would be so grateful. I really need to know that one day very soon I will get the courage to do this!

Thanks for reading.

In my case 8 months after deciding I want leaving to the point of actually leaving and I had a good push at the end

Otherwise I'd probably still be there

Hardest and best decision of my life

Wow iamgettingout! Your post brought a tear to my eye! Well done to all of you who have got out or at least know they should get out, what you have done is inspirational and I am already starting to feel less panicky about the whole thing and not so scared (having said that, he is out tonight so that's probably why 😀). I can even almost think about it without feeling like I am going to vomit! I hope this lasts!

Iamgettingout, I am in awe of you, exactly what you have shared in your post has been happening to me. Ijust makes us Ill. Right, I am getting sorted now, I need to just be practical and leave the emotion to one side for my kids and just do it. I know it will be hard on my kids at first, but I do really think they will benefit, I know I will have the head space to be a better mum to them without us all bring on red alert the whole time incase he gets upset. Like you, I actually freeze, that's exactly the word and my stomach is churning. I am so looking forward to loving come home, I just want peace and a little space that we can do what we like with and just feel relaxed. glad you are enjoying it and I wish you the best of luck too.