Help! Resentful of MIL but we used to get on SO well

[PregnantAndEngaged]

We used to have an amazing relationship, chatted for hours about anything, had a fab laugh, I actually used to look forward to visiting and I always wanted this type of relationship with my own mum (we don't get on well).

However since my son was born I've started to feel quite resentful/irritated with her. Starting to think it may be jealousy. Thing is she takes over loads when we see her. MIL and FIL live a bit of a way away but we still try to see them once a month and tend to stay for a week or two at a time and we recently had a holiday together for a whole week. Still really like her as a person but she takes over too much with my son; she hugs him all the time we are there, plays with him non-stop, she's there every waking second even for his baths, feeding time etc and I start to worry that my son forgets I'm his mum. I had a nightmare at Christmas about this, woke in a sweat because we were there for 2.5 weeks and she took over EVERYTHING. She even cooks him his breakfast, lunch and dinner.

She has a habit of messing up his routine as well. She showers him with so much love which I do not begrudge at all, but sometimes she thnks shes just being loving but she's hindering him. For example, he won't drink milk so I have to get him to eat cheese, yoghurt and cereal with milk. While we were away she kept giving him bits of her dinner so he'd fill up on that and not eat any of his dairy. And at breakfast she kept giving him toast and then he went off cereal for the whole week and refused to eat it. Terrified me no end as he was getting no dairy!!!

Then there's things like she buys him so many gifts for Christmas and birthday, which is lovely but she seems to outdo us or buy things I wanted to get him and that is grating on me a bit. I know it's petty and a first world problem but I can feel the resentment boiling inside. I saw something I wanted to buy him and then she made clear to everyone she was going to get him that as a present because childrne his age LOVE it, and I am now thinking of getting it before she does so I get in there first. And I know I'm being childish.

I do BLW and I felt the whole time she didn't really want me to do it and she cuts the food into tiny pieces when it's unnecessary etc. It's just small petty things but I feel undermined.

I worry they think I'm unloving or a rubbish mum or just controlling/annoying as I feel so pushed out I kinda take a step back and hardly end up spending any time with my own son when I'm there unless it's to step in and say "stop feeding him bread, he needs to eat his breakfast" etc.

Thing is I don't want our relationship to be sour as we used to get on so well. If you're still with me at this point I'd love some advice. And please don't be too hard on me, I know it's a first world problem and I'm being stupid!

Spend less time with them but then when he is there it is only for 24 or 36 hours. I can't say my ds's diet is balanced when visiting the in laws but they buy all his favourite things and he adores it and mainly lives off a diet of grapes and random fav's like cured ham and potted shrimp and eggs toast served up like it should be in a michelin star restaurant which is all served under his very own specially bought child size solid silver dome-I am not kidding! He loves it, they love it so everyone happy, treat days are fine! I just make sure his diet it more balanced the days around it. I am sure your diet isn't perfectly balanced every day.

Florin the child sized silver dome sounds fantastic
makes notes for future grandchildren

Finova, it's only smothering because they're there for such lengthy amounts of time. If they went for a day or two it would feel like a break for op and a treat for DS. Things like his reduced dairy wouldn't even be an issue.

I expect, given that op is in mil's home for a visit, mil feels that it is her time with her grandchild, that this is how she's supposed to behave.

She goes overboard because it'll be another month before she's able to do so. She sees him twelve times per year and wants to build a relationship, dote on him and give op a break. She probably thinks op welcomes not having to do everything baby-related for a few days, not having to cook and so on.

And actually, regards her cooking all ds's meals, surely that's perfectly normal as you're in her home?

Speak to her if you must op, or ask your DH to do it. But be kind. None of this is done to hurt you. Next time you talk about a gift, joke about how she mustn't beat you to it. Next time she's playing with DS, joke that no-one else is getting a look-in.

I too think you're visiting far too much. It sounds like she's being absolutely lovely
to him and wants to be involved but it seems like taking over because you are there so much.

If you feel that something has to be said then please say it yourself. I hate all this "your DH needs to say something" it's your problem, have the balls to say something about it. Asking him to talk to her smacks of you making the bullets and asking him to fire the gun.

Sounds like she's suffocating you. I know what you mean about the hovering, it makes me want to commit violence, I hate people looming over me and being so keen that they get under my feet.

I think gm sounds adoring, which is lovely, but you defo need to spend less time with them.