Need some perspective. Have a very stressful life with two DCs, one of whom has ASD. Very challenging and a full-time job in itself. I also work from home.
H said we couldn't have a holiday this year as we couldn't afford it. He's good with the kids, but I bear the brunt. He is also away a lot with his job and we don't have any family nearby to help so frankly I feel exhausted and badly in need of a break.
H is very evasive about money. The deal is that I buy all the kids clothes and pay for extras like clubs, and buying stuff for the house out of my (small) salary. He pays the bills, but is really crap at managing money. I cannot take over as he won't let me. Salary goes into his account etc. Since I gave up my job to look after our children, he seems to resent me and think that I am freeloading and not paying my fair share (when I earned a full salary I used to contribute half towards all bills).
A few years ago, he ran up the credit cards, as he was putting day to day expenses on it, largely due to not budgeting properly. I agreed that he could use some of our joint savings to clear it, on the understanding he didn't run it up again. I've just had a look and sure enough the CC is being run up again. I'm fuming. In addition, he moved some of our savings to another account and will not tell me how much money we have and I now have no access to the money (if there is any left)
I have asked him repeatedly to tell me what we have left and how the rest has been spent, as it is a four figure sum. I know some of it has been spent on genuine things, but he will not account for the rest. He is refusing to do so and accuses me of being demanding and controlling.
The final straw for me was a couple of weekends ago. He has been away with work several times over the past two months, which means I have been alone juggling house/work/kids for long periods, including four weekends. He was invited away the weekend after he got back to see some friends that he hadn't seen for a long time. We were invited too, but to try to keep costs down and also so he could see his friends properly I suggested he went on his own, as our child with ASD can be very demanding and it would be difficult to socialise and care for him IYSWIM?
He had a short flight there and was staying less than 12 miles from the airport. He hadn't told me ,many details, so I asked him how he was getting to his friends' house, thinking they may be collecting him/etc. He was really evasive and just said he was 'making his own way there.' As it is on mainline stations and there are cabs etc I assumed that this was what he meant.
I've since discovered as he left a receipt in his jeans that he hired a fucking car! I feel that he wasn't straight with me when I asked him outright and I am upset as it cost more than £150, which once again has been put on the credit cards.
Before anyone suggests it, I know he was where he says he was as the pictures came up on my FB feed, so I'm not doubting that. He cannot understand why I am upset. I feel he has been deceitful – there was no need for him not to tell me about the car hire, except he knew that I would question whether it was necessary as he has spent all summer telling me we have no money!!!
Since the kids were born, he has had them for one night. I rarely get a break and I feel that this is just a slap in the face as that money could have at least gone towards a cheap weekend break for us all! I should add that this isn't the first summer that he has said there is no money for a holiday but then spent the equivalent on something that was in my view a complete waste.