Feel so alone and isolated.. what am I doing wrong?

[anothernametoday]

Last year i moved with kids to new area and without ex husband. Thought i had made some new friends... just been through a really awful experience and seems like nobody wants to know me. Whats happened to me doesn't affect anyone.. its between me and somebody else.. can't understand this reaction

How can i make some new good friends?

(Am regular but just wanted to change name for this)

What's the reaction you've been getting anothername?

I think people sometimes sense and feel the need to keep their distance from anyone who appears to need a lot fo attention. It's a sad reflection of modern living I think. Especially other parents. We've all got so much going on and so many demands being made on us that it can be hard and overwhelming, particularly if the person who's calling out is a bit on an unknown quantity.

Or am I way off?

I'm not sure if you're way off.. see what you mean but don't think it was that way. I didn't tell a couple of people but they knew for a while something was wrong. It was something not easy to talk about, then at a birthday party i just lost it and it all came mumbling out in tears and i havent' heard from them since. I would never do that to anyone. Even if i barely knew someone a quick txt to say "hope u r ok" or something. I just so puzzled by it

Aw. Not a nice way to feel... We all need someone to talk to don't we? I remember going through an awful time when I was younger...I told everything about my past to a friend as she was really good to me & we were close. In time we parted company, & there's not a day goes past that I don't regret telling her my situation... she knows how it affects me in certain months & times of the year..yet she never texted to ask how I was etc.....

So I sort of know what you're going through. Is there any one person who you are friendly with who can suss out why no-one is bothering with you? I know that if someone seems like hard work I just smile & walk on... but that's simply because I have a lot of crap & stuff in my own life & simply cannot carry anyone elses burden all the time.

I wonder are you near any MN'ers?

I'm really sorry you're feeling so alone. The behaviour of your 'friends' seems very odd. Even if I didn't know someone well, I would want to check that they were ok if I had seen that they were very upset about something.

I don't know how you go about making new friends - it is something I will have to do when I move (hopefully soon) and I am dreading it.

FWIW, and this is quite different to your situation, but I had to tell a group of my friends something that was very hard for me to share. Some were great at the time and offered lots of support but now it's back to the way it was when they didn't know and one 'friend' has more or less cut me out of her life. I still see them and spend time with them, but often feel more alone when I'm with them than when I'm by myself.

I know email/ msn isn't the same as real life friends but if you want someone to talk to, you can CAT me.

{{hugs}}

Thanks for your messages. I appreciate it. Time for some sleep

i'm having a similar experience... something bad has happened and i've talked to a couple of my friends about it and they've been totally unsupportive. couldn't understand it and then i realised that people have their own lives and just don't think about how you're feeling. they're not particularly good friends and i've decided to accept that they aren't going to be anything more. i think spidermama's got it right. people are afraid that you'll be a drain and they won't / don't know how to handle the situation.

it hurts doesn't it?

It?s possible that they feel awkward and don?t know how to proceed from here on in. Especially as you say you just blerted whatever it was out at a birthday party, generally people just don?t know how to handle situations like that. Lots of people have things they feel they need to tell their friends but there?s a time and a place iykwim. I met the wife of a friend of dh for the first time on a buss, and during that first meeting she proceeded to tell me all about her failing marriage, about how they didn?t have a joint bank account and how her dh was, in her opinion, an alcoholic and how he came home drunk every night and slept on the sofa. This was on a buss and I?d never met her before in my life. Now I?m perfectly used to people confiding In me and thought I?d heard it all before but even I thought this was strange.

Have you tried contacting these friends just for a general chat? Just because they haven?t contacted you doesn?t mean they?re no longer interested. They may be waiting for you to get in touch, esp after telling them something important about yourself, they might even think you regret telling them and want to back off and are waiting for you to contact them.

Agree with the last advice...that sometimes you just need to accept people's reactions, because it's the way they are, or because they don't truly comprehend the depth of your own feelings about the situation.

When I think about my friends (who are very few in number, I can tell you), I find I tell some friends some things but not others, depending on how they will react. Not one of my friends knows everything about me, and some - even ones I've known for over 20 yrs - know very little.

Also the fact that they haven't known you too long may have coloured their reactions a little? Maybe they were just nervous, high emotion can do that to people.

Or maybe they just haven't been in touch because they literally, just haven't. Don't take it too personally. You know the time of year: everyone's in the gloomy New Year slump, broke, the weather's miserable, blah blah blah. Phone around a few folk. You've maybe just been overlooked, without it having any ulterior meaning

I can understand people not wanting to get involved (not that they could have) but can't understand why not contact me for a month (and counting) after.... not even a text. Esp as they know i don't know hardly anybody round here.

I thought about getting in contact but to be honest would rather be on my own than be with people who behave like that.

Anyway, feeling more upbeat today and going to start some evening classes to get out and meet more people

I do tend to agree with you - if these people can't even send a quick text to check on you, I'm not sure they're going to be great friends.

I'm glad to hear that you are starting some evening classes - great news!

Take Care

Thanks mamama