DH doesn't know how long he can carry on 'like this'!

[Peanutbutternutter419]

We have a 4 yo and a 4 month old and I got told this last night. Bit of background;
we have been married 5 years, together 12. Always had differing sex drive but always managed to make it work...or so I thought.
Every now and then (as in once a year or so) DH will speak to me about the lack of sex in our relationship and that he would like to ramp it up a bit. We talk about it and usually after getting our feelings out in the open, we move on.
In the last year our intimacy has really dwindled. I had a HG pregnancy which lasted until the birth and 4 yo became demanding due to me being in bed a lot. DH was amazing with DS but our relationship has definitely taken a hit.

Lately as we have not dtd very often, I can always tell when he wants it as he will be unusually affectionate throughout the day whereas we don't really kiss or cuddle much anymore.
Last night it came to a head as he had made it clear throughout the afternoon that he was interested but when it came to bedtime I was so shattered that I literally fell asleep when my head hit the pillow.

Que him saying that he doesn't know how long he can go on like this, getting dressed and going out with me calling him a knob as he left.

It's good that you spoke and I understand the feeling of never finishing jobs, but you need to loosen up on being controlling with the housework.

Also, I hope your work isn't too strenuous with a baby in tow. You need to take it easy or you'll become ill with exhaustion.

I explained that we go through phases and at the moment, we are rarely dtd but it will increase as things settle down at home.
He offered to pay for a cleaner but I haven't gotten around to finding one yet. Partly because I am slowly decluttering and packing up so I'm not sure how much cleaning they would get done!
He acknowledged that he knew I was struggling but he feels he is just as tired due to his job and working long hours and so hadn't been supporting me because he feels hard done by too. I get it, he's physically tired whereas I am more mentally burnt out by evening but in my opinion one does not trump the other. I have suffered with anxiety in the past (this is where control over housework comes from) and told him I was on my way back down that path of he didn't start supporting me.
Despite everything, we had a nice day out with the kids and he took the baby more than usual and let me have some time with my DS so maybe he is processing what I'm saying.

That's good, why don't you tell him to get the cleaner , rather than it being just another task for you ?

That's good of you to look after Ds yesterday for him to allow your DH to spend time with the baby . You are very kind to him , even when he's not been supporting you .