He threw a bottle at me

[Chipperton]

Regular poster but NC because I'm worried that this and details in previous posts will identify me.

DH and I have been married for 8 years, one DC who is 3. Since DS came along our marriage has hit a rocky patch and whilst he seems to enjoy spending time with DS, I often feel like he'd rather be doing something else.

DH is a functioning alcoholic (barely) and can easily drink 5-6 beers or a bottle of wine in an evening. He will drink considerably more when he does out (several times a month) and will often stay out all night with no explanation of where he has been or any apology for neglecting to come home at a decent hour. This also means that due to his hangover he is pretty much useless the day after he has been out.

We often quarrel about this. He'd been out last night and had said he'd been home around 11 (he wasn't obviously). I found him flopped on the sofa when DS and I got up for the day. I challenged him and said hangover or not he'd be expected to participate in the family plans for the day.

He flew into a rage. He was verbally abusive and threw an open bottle of milk at me. He's now stormed out of the house shouting 'FUCK YOU' and has driven off in his car.

I am stunned.

Are you ok Chip?

Hey Chipperton, as a previous poster says, please break the cycle for your little boy.
You may not like the choices you currently have, but you do have choices. Your DH is an alcoholic. He's doing nothing about it, so it'll only get worse. You have to initiate the change for your boy as he can't do that himself. In fifteen years time your son will ask you why the hell you put him through an upbringing like that, and he may well think it's acceptable to throw bottles at his partner.

Also - call the police. Your DH should not have assaulted you and neither should he be driving drunk. Give them the car model, car reg, the works. This is not advice I've picked out of the air. I've done it myself.
Also - I bet he drink-drives pretty frequently, doesn't he? And you - suppose you're taken ill? Who is going to look after your son, a drunk?

I wouldn't change the locks on a house that's not even in your name. You might find yourself in legal trouble.

The bottom line is you need to LTB. If you stay and do nothing that's a pass for him to do it again. Next time it will be something a lot more dangerous.

Even if you don't leave today or tomorrow, he needs to get the message that you won't accept this anymore.

I'd actually call the police and report the assault. You aren't a punching bag.

Why aren't you on the mortgage?
Was it his house that you moved into?

He's ill. He's an Alcoholic.

As I see it two options divorce, and no one would blame you, or he man's up and admits he has a problem and actively does something about fixing it. Alcoholics Anonymous would be an excellent start.

This isn't going to get any better unless he sorts it and if has to come from him.

For your sake the child's and his as well. Even if you do split up.

As simple as that.