So upset at being left out of family gathering.

[Babyroobs]

Please could I have some folks opinions on this situation as I just don't know if I'm over reacting ( I'm sure dh thinks I am !).
Both dh and I have very little family but on my side I do have an Auntie and an Uncle who are my mum's siblings ( my mum died a number of years ago). I also have cousins and they have a couple of kids. I see this extended family a couple of times a year and we always have a nice time,. Either my aunt or my Uncle host the gathering at their homes, we don't because our house is small and needs a lot of work. When we see them we always take food / drink contributions.
The last time I saw them all was at Christmas at my aunts. My auntie did see to take slight offense at something I said, I think she just misunderstood my sense of humour. My Uncle and his wife were telling me about their lovely home improvements, said we ( my family) must come round and see them and asked for dates in feb when we were free, took my new mobile number , said they would call etc, then never did. I was upset that they never followed it up and mentioned I was upset about it to my dad on a number of occasions, he said this is just what they are like and not to worry about it.
Today my dad came round to dinner and told me that a couple of weeks ago he had been to a bbq at this Uncle's house, that my other aunt and cousins had all been there etc. I just feel so devastated that my family weren't invited when everyone else was. I know i am probably over reacting but we have so little family and I love these get togethers. I just feel so hurt. I feel like I never want to see them again.
What would people do ? Ring and ask why we were left out, just let it go and carry on as normal the next time we meet pretending we didn't know?
I also feel so hurt that my dad went along knowing how much I was looking forward to meeting up with them, and that he never questioned them on why we weren't invited ? Am I being pathetic and over reacting? I just can't get my head around why people are so hurtful although I am a sensitive type !

[Muddlingthroughtoo]

YANBU, I would feel hurt too. If it was adults only they could have invited you and told you that. The explanation they gave doesn't sound very truthful to be honest. Ok if it was just immediate family, but if the other aunt and cousins are there too then it does sound like a snub.

[SpecialAgentFreyPie]

I don't agree it's about reciprocation, I think it's about what was said at Christmas.

[KERALA1]

I find those that say it's not about reciprocation don't host large gatherings themselves! It's a lot of work, even if guests bring a dish. Personally I would be uncomfortable with that esp as op is bringing 6 people to the party!

[CatNip2]

Read the opening post and immediately thought that you need to take your turn irrespective of house size. Guests don't care how big your house is. Then I read the replies and realised my view was shared by others.

[Tomselleckhaskindeyes]

What did you say at Christmas? Is it your dad's sister?

[antiqueroadhoe]

Yes I agree. Better now in the summer when you can do stuff outside.

[Letseatgrandma]

1. What did you say at Christmas?
   
2. I think your aunt was lying
   
3. I think you should host. Hosting can be an expensive hassle and you should share the burden.

[UnexpectedBaggage]

If I'm honest I think the 4 DCs are the problem. They wanted an adult only BBQ with no DCs running around being annoying.

[sealmane]

Babyroobs, I think people are being pretty accusatory to you on this thread, whereas far as I can see you have done nothing wrong!

First of all, I really hear you and I can genuinely understand why you are upset. If you have been excluded from a family gathering it must feel confusing at best, painful at worst. I think you did the right thing by asking someone in the family (not the hosts themselves) was there a problem. It is a shame you got a weird answer, blaming your dad. But you can obviously ask him if this is true and hopefully he can clarify! It may be that they only wanted an adult gathering but I think you said there were other children there, so that doesn't entirely convince, though it may be true that your relatives do find lots of children a bit much, but why not say so (in a nice way of course). I expect your aunt and uncle are usually the main hosts and like to be so - some people are like that - they have the biggest house, the biggest families, its the tradition, like a drink whatever. Reciprocation is not always tit-for-tat.

My advice is just hang in there. At least one family member knows you are sad and upset about being excluded and will pass that on. Hopefully you will get invited to gatherings in the future, or just be more friendly with other family members who are friendly to you. Unfortunately some families can be like this, with strange undercurrents of inexplicable unpleasantness. Or, perhaps more accurately, some members of some families can be like this. The ones who aren't so nice and distance or remove themselves, even after you have tried to be nice, well its their loss isn't it ....

I think you did the right thing by asking someone if there was a problem anyway. I expect things will eventually work out in one form or another. Sometimes it takes time to understand these kinds of things in families.

[SeaCabbage]

You say you haven't been out much for a while. I agree with a PP who said you seem overly invested in all this.

If you build up the rest of your life then hopefully you won't be so upset at missing one social occasion at your aunt's.

If she keeps doing it then you know you will have to talk to her and ask her why.