Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I just being spiteful?

24 replies

catty2016 · 05/08/2016 21:10

So husband has had affair with significantly younger collegue (he's her manager). It has become clear that his boss does not know. Think it will cause him problems if his boss finds out which is why it is all being kept a secret. I have mutual friend with his boss. So have a way to contact him. Is it wrong for me to want to contact him and tell him what my H has been up to? My husband is leaving me to be with her.

OP posts:
Gingeete · 05/08/2016 21:11

Absolutely do it. Why wouldn't you?!

Original poster
catty2016 · 05/08/2016 21:12

Worried I will come across as the bitter ex.

OP posts:
deVelvet · 05/08/2016 21:13

Yeah you're being spiteful, but in my opinion do what makes you feel better to get through the day.

One day you won't even be arsed about this, but if it gets you through the day...

Bastard deserves it.

Just be aware of the repercussions and ask yourself if the grief is worth it

ecuse · 05/08/2016 21:14

When you split will you need/want a financial contribution from him? If he loses his job you may cut off your nose to spite your face on that score.

Morally no reason why not, though. Sorry your husband is such a shit :/

Muddlingthroughtoo · 05/08/2016 21:15

I'd do it, what if he's sacked though, will you lose out anyway financially?
I'd still probably do it, it'd be worth it.

ITCouldBeWorse · 05/08/2016 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waltermittythesequel · 05/08/2016 21:17

Do you give a fuck what you come across as, really?

Obviously it's healthier and better all round to maintain a moral high ground.

But, the bigger person always gets shafted!

I'd do it. But I'm a cunt.

Original poster
catty2016 · 05/08/2016 21:17

Yes am worried about repercussions. Not just for me but also our 2 DCs. Not sure it he would be fired but certainly disciplined. Yes will have to rely on him financially for mortgage, child maintenance etc.

OP posts:
PlanBwastaken · 05/08/2016 21:21

Don't, in that case. And rest assured it almost always comes out eventually, so a quick divorce might be good.

ITCouldBeWorse · 05/08/2016 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pimmsy · 05/08/2016 21:29

I wouldn't.... but I'd relish in the thought that at any given moment I could!

Try and take the moral high ground even if it's hard.

Flowers
Original poster
catty2016 · 05/08/2016 21:33

Deep down I know I shouldn't but somehow can't shake the feeling of how good it would be for him to suffer just as much as I have suffered over the last few weeks with all his lies and deceit.

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 05/08/2016 21:36

Don't, you'll regret it if there's a financial impact.

mumofthemonsters808 · 05/08/2016 21:38

I'd want to tell him, but hopefully I could stop myself and rise above it.I don't know if I'd be able to resist the temptation though due to being so badly hurt.

faffalotty · 05/08/2016 21:40

So sorry to hear this has happened. What a bastard

I don't think you should tell if you'll jeopardise your financial security. It would be good for him to fear that you are going to tell though.

Imbroglio · 05/08/2016 21:42

Honestly? I'd leave it. Causing trouble for other people, no matter how much they deserve it, won't make you feel any better in the long term. Focus on yourself and your children.

whirlygirly · 05/08/2016 21:45

I very nearly did this - but - a good and wise friend talked me out of it and I'm very glad he did.
If you're relying on him for maintenance don't scupper that. Plus there is no way to come out of it without looking like an unhinged woman scorned. Write the email by all means (I did) then delete it without sending.
I'm so sorry, by the way, I well know how shit it feels Flowers

happypoobum · 05/08/2016 21:45

Sadly this would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I suggest you just fantasise about doing it and cutting his knob off and carry on doing whatever is necessary to get the best outcome from this so that you and the DC can move on.

As PP have said though, it might be worth him hearing that you have it up your sleeve if he doesn't play fair.........

Original poster
catty2016 · 05/08/2016 22:16

Thanks for everyone's thoughts. Sounds like as much as it would make me feel so much better, it isn't the thing to do. Do Iike the idea of 'tormenting' him that I could do it if I really wanted. Keeping him always worried....

OP posts:
happypoobum · 05/08/2016 22:20

That's the spirit! Grin

nooofthenoodle · 06/08/2016 12:18

I did it and it did make me feel better, he got sacked and oh how we laughed. Yes I was bitter and spiteful but after being dropped from a great height I think that's understandable. But there were no financial implications for me as no kids or shared assets and I waited until I had all the money he owed me.

SandyY2K · 06/08/2016 12:29

The financial aspect would be my only concern, if he lost his job. Otherwise I'd certainly get the info out there.

Why not.
Actions have consequences.

smilingeyes11 · 06/08/2016 12:38

Is the maintenance court ordered or are you relying on his goodwill to pay that and the mortgage. I would get everything sorted properly with a solicitor first then I would drop him in it from a great height. Your own financial security is the top priority atm - even though I completely agree with wanting to sing like a canary to all who will listen.

Newbienew · 06/08/2016 13:48

If in doubt do nowt. Wait a while as you can act later but if you do it now you may regret it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread