Cheating allegations.. How to get to the truth

[Silvermockingbird]

So basically was in the car with DP and his friends newly-ex GF walks past (they give each other some pathetic glare because they really don't get along) I don't know her. I get home and have a FB message off her saying tell your "cheating" DP not to look at me like that blah blah.. I can't help but bite back and she comes out with "he's a cheater, he thinks it won't come out but trust me it will.. When he least expects it. Pass the message on to him"

I really don't know what to think of this I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant.. I love him to bits, I feel like he is the perfect man to me.. But I do know he had a bad cheating reputation with every one of his ex's. When we got together I thought just cause he has in the past doesn't mean he'll cheat on me. He is very good looking and gets a lot of female attention.. This has made me super paranoid as I've been cheated on in the past but he says she's just trying to piss me off.. Really don't know what to do now feel like I want to get to the bottom of this his word should be enough but I have a really bad gut feeling. any suggestions?

I'd go back and say "if you're oh so knowledgeable why don't you just tell me? I'll assume any non response or you telling me to ask him to be proof you're talking rubbish. Look forward to hearing from you soon."

I would go back to her for more information, but try not to have too much of a sarky tone. If she does know anything, you'll want her to share it with you so being sarky isn't going to help. Likewise you don't want to come across as pleading with her because she'll feel she has some sort of power over you and can withhold the information if she pleases.

Something simple, like "Can you tell me more?" should do it.

if you're oh so knowledgeable why don't you just tell me?

Using this tone isn't the best idea ... as in "if you're oh so knowledgeable". It comes over as very sarcastic.

Why would a serial cheat suddenly stop. It's one thing being a bit of a ladies man, but that's not the same as cheating.

There's a well known saying

"The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour"

There's a very good reason people request references and do background checks. You can't just take the way someone presents them self at interview or any other first meeting.

Thats a bit of a strong reaction from a friends ex-Girlfriend, i could understand it a bit more if it was your DP's ex...is there a possibility that there might be more than being a bit pissed off by a glare?

She's either a nutjob or could there be a possibility that something more may have happened between your DP and the friends EX?

I think you should contact her and ask her.

He's given no cause for concern, but statistically if he has cheated in every one of his other relationships...what's changed?

Definitely ask her, her messages do sound spiteful but given his reputation you can't just ignore this.

It definitely sounds like she's trying to get back at him for something rather than doing you a favour.

Did something happen between her and your dp?

^^^ Yep.

The only time I've disliked my friend's B, is where the BF treated my friends badly. Or if they were sleazy in any way.

Even where my friends couldn't see what idiots they were with, I never showed my dislike outwardly.

I think you're being kept in the dark about some important stuff here.

Exactly why does he dislike her?

I agree. It's his friends ex, why would she do this? Ask her more and ask for proof.

My DP doesn't like her because she was constantly cheating on his friend when they were together actually, when they were together she would message DP loads of abuse asking where he was if she couldn't get intouch with her partner. She is a bit of a nut job but I know what your all saying.

And I do believe cheaters can change! He had one night stands with all of them and a proper affair with one about 10 years ago, he claims to never have wanted to settle down with any of them and none of them being right for him. He had a 2 year break from relationships before getting together with me, were engaged, planned this baby, I knew him as a friend years ago and he is a lot diferent from back then no longer the party animal he once was he is a lot more settled, i don't think that's naive. People do change and grow up.

As for the woman we were back and forth messaging she eventually apologised and said its nothing to do with me I'm pregnant ect but ignored anything else I asked about the allegations, and now won't reply

Don't let one nasty bitch derail your relationship without proof or at least more than her word. If we all lived our lives being as suspicious as some folk on here we'd all be miserable.

I'm afraid I would tend to believe her and would go back and ask her for more information.

Silver have you by any chance had your sexual health checked. If my man had ever slept with that many people before he even came near me I'd be asking him to get an STI check and prove he was in the clear. check yourself out, I believe they offer that with pregnancy anyway

She sounds like an unhinged shit stirrer.

I believed that they can grow up and change. Maybe some of them can. Mine didnt.

When one of his friends found out that he had cheated on me he said "I thought he had packed all that in when he got together with you". So had I!

He's cheated on every ex so why would it be any different, sorry, that and you being pregnant seems to be a common time for them to do it.

See if you can actually get evidence from the whistle blower, if that is what she is.

She doesn't want to upset now and is thinking of your pregnancy. She's a cheat and is accusing him of the same hhhhhmmm.

I think she regrets saying it, but not because it's untrue.

This reminded me of your situation OP.

www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/589844-i-am-worst

Even after your last post I don't think I could just write it off. I don't know how you'd ever prove it but it'd certainly make me very suspicious.

I hope it is nothing OP.

Being engaged and having a baby don't mean he won't cheat.

Don't give up paid work when the DC arrives!

He had one night stands with all of them and a proper affair with one about 10 years ago

But those are the people he was cheating with. Who was he cheating on?

I totally understand why you will choose to not believe her, and to believe also that he has put all that behind him. However, it might be worth asking yourself why he thought it was OK to lie and cheat then. In my experience, those personality traits don't alter much. He may well be all loved up and fancy himself in the role of doting father at the moment, but the proof of the pudding will come at low spots in the future; perhaps if you're unwell/tired/preoccupied with the baby. And that's assuming this girl is lying.

I'm afraid that my gut feeling is that she's not, and she's only back-tracking now because she has belatedly decided not to upset you.

Anyway, good luck with it all.

If it's all been gossipped about as much as it seems you might well be able to get impartial info from someone (a woman?) in the social group, who knows your P and ideally the woman who's alleging he's cheated on you. They'll likely have heard gossip.

Trusting him completely isn't logical particularly given his history, and that your P works away, goes out a lot etc.

Being engaged and having a baby don't mean he won't cheat.

This ^^

he claims to never have wanted to settle down with any of them and none of them being right for him.

Being single wasn't an option for him then? He could have had all the ONS he wanted without having a GF.
It's like he feels/felt because he wasn't ready to settle, it was okay to cheat on all of those women.

If none of them were right he could have ended it and walked away.

Maybe she's right. You'll find out when he/you least expect it.