Im in such a mess

[needresolution]

Well where do I start? Been seeing someone for a year, everything was lovely etc I decided to buy a house and thought maybe we could start a life together, the house process was long and needed a lot of work doing to it before moving in which he helped me with and I was grateful, we had touched on him moving in but with the stress of the renovations and little time my anxieties got worse, on the day of me moving in I said Ok lets get your stuff too (thought should give it a try) a week on Im bitterly regretting that. I went to yoga last night and he had been drinking and said some quite nasty things when I got back (I was 30mins later than I said)
I said thank you for some things he had done and he said 'at least I am good enough for something' (my kids were there) I said excuse me?

I put kids to bed and went to bed myself, I said I think you should move back to your flat (hes handed notice in this week)
Couldn't sleep all night worrying - we are meant to be going on holiday next week, Im sick with worry..
I said again this morning I think you should go but hes trying to talk me round, what do I do??

Tell him to go back to his own home. Don't go on holiday with him. If you've got the money, have a cheap holiday with your children.

If you do the holiday, he will think you 'owe' him. ... Look how good I am.

I think you were putting yourself in a very vulnerable position.

You'd only known him for a year; it's inevitable there's an awful lot you don't know about him.

You'd bought a house, which is great, but what were you thinking of, having him move in with you? It's different if there are no children, but the potential for disaster when you move a man you don't really know well in with your children is enormous.

He still wants to talk! I said theres nothing left to say! Ive explained Im not accepting his behavior and pushed for him to move out.

I thought a year would be an acceptable timeframe to move in but Im just not ready

imperial is so right, you've only known him a year, that's no time at all. Way too soon to be moving in together. Glad you've seen his true colours before it went too far though. Forget about him & the holiday OP & good luck

Ok, it's true that you weren't "ready" for a live-in relationship. It's also clear that he isn't the right partner for you at all.

He "still wants to talk" but you don't have to allow him the space to screw with your mind. It's YOUR home! Are you angry yet? Enough to tell him to leave before you call the police to remove him? He has absolutely no right to be there once your permission and invitation have been rescinded. Stop explaining and order him to go. Your tone seems very passive and obedient - he's exploiting this fully when he is currently nothing more than a home invader. He's given notice on his flat. That's what this is about from his point of view.

Ask him to leave and if he won't, phone the police. Don't take him back the second he shows contrition, tho. I certainly wouldn't be going on holiday with a nasty drunk.

He must go. Stick to your guns. Tell him you can talk again about it once he has moved out.

Thanks all
I stuck to my guns and said I wanted him out, hes took some of hi belongings and said he will be back for more today and my friends are helping him move the rest Saturday.
Ive decided to book my own holiday with the kids, they were upset we weren't going with him.
I am sad about this break up but I don't want to put myself through a load of hassle further down the line, I feel relived TBH
Thanks for your help

I'm as relieved as you are needresolution. You have achieved the resolution you sought, too! Don't let him crawl into your mind-waves in the next few days or even weeks. That you also feel relieved really says it all. DC will recover from this unfortunate adventure and will no doubt be ecstatic about a holiday that involves plenty of activity for them. Is it centerparcs with log cabins and crazy stuff for kids to do? Or maybe a static caravan by the sea?

No doubt in the future you'll take way more time with relationships before letting them into your home like this. Heck, we all make (huge) mistakes but you've stepped up to face this one head on and I'm impressed! Let us know how it all progresses?

The moment you see a sign of disrespect from a man, it's your signal to exit stage left. Stick to your guns and have him out and then go total NC.

Theres the door !!! , don't look back.... order of the day, trust your gut