DH overruling me and starting rows

[BathshebaDarkstone]

DS was a little sod all day yesterday, DH offered him a sprout while he was cooking supper, I told DS he had to promise to be good first, DH gave it to him anyway, I took it off him and asked him to promise to be good, which he did, DH went nuts and started insulting me and my family. DS's behaviour got worse, DD was screaming it was too loud. DH doesn't seem to care how his behaviour affects the DC.

WWYD?

I think he just did it to piss you off OP, and the way he verbally assaulted your family further enforces that, it's not really about your child is it, it's about the lack of respect between the two of you.

You never mentioned kicking, hitting or biting in your OP. What came first, the sprout or the tantrum? It was still a silly promise for him to have to make to get a sprout

Oh I presume you are the original Bathsheba?

He'd been a little sod all day, it wasn't a tantrum, it was to freak his DSis out.

I'm the original BathshebaDarkstone, if that's what you mean, ExtraHot.

I still don't understand whether at the point of offering the sprout your ds was behaving or was screaming. If he was quiet at the time then you provoked his reaction by taking the sprout away again. You don't seem to think you are at fault at all though

He was still hitting, kicking and biting, which I've already said in previous posts.

No you didn't. You didn't specify the current behaviour when the sprout was offered. Nevertheless it was a bloody stupid promise to get him to make anyway. Maybe your dh thought a sprout would calm him down and you exacerbated things by taking it away again. We weren't there so we don't know the motivation behind the sprout offering

It is completely pointless to bribe a child to promise they will be good.

It is a vague and unrealistic expectation that they stand no chance of ever living up to.

and don't use sprouts as rewards!

It would be far more helpful to work out what was causing his difficult behaviour in the first place than for you and your DH to undermine each other.

Why the fuck should a child need to promise to be good to eat a sprout?

You sound stressed, if you're resorting to putting such odd conditions on things like that.

Your DH was an arse with the insults, though.

Sadly, all I can pick up from this is that you have a child who is acting out and has two parents who aren't exactly modelling the best ways to interact with other people. If you and your DH are having pissing contests like this, how the hell can you expect your kids to treat others with respect?

OP I think we need the sprout business explaining, that is throwing everyone at the moment - why are sprouts so sought after in your house?

I also don't understand the whole taking it away until you get a promise of good behaviour.

Food is a basic right, it's not a bargaining tool.
And what will you do if DS is subsequently naughty? Force him to vomit the sprout back up?

This is a weird thing to get het up over.
Indicative of deeper issues perhaps?

I love sprouts myself, but it sounds like the entire situation got to you both.

You undermined him. You started the row.

Well, it is the summer holidays...

So what you arresting is
Your ds was kicking and screaming to annoy his dsis
Your DH started to give your ds something he wanted whilst you were tells g him he needed to be good (calm down) first.
Your DH ignored your comment and gave the object to your ds.
You insisted your ds first behaved and work war started (both from your ds and your DH).

I would say, parenting together only Turks if you are exactly on the same lines and if you are happy to back down even if it's not what you would have done.
So in a perfect world, your DH would have waited for ds to calm down first.
But you shouldn't have insisted for your ds to say he would be good and take away the object.
So you are both undermining each other there

Your DH reaction is not on though.

And you need to agree on to parent your ds.

I think it's the sprout that's throwing everyone. It's a first on me.