Ok. I've been a deluded prick haven't I?

[TealLove]

Ok. I started talking to a guy online. A younger man.
Something about him just got to me. The connection was incredibly intense and we opened up on both the phone talking and messaged constantly for a month. Met up and had a date that could only be described as magic. No sex but honestly the most loving hugs and kisses.
He messaged constantly and as it goes he leaves the country 2 weeks ago for 8 weeks. I went on holiday too. He promised I would visit him out there and we would pick up again where we left off.
From there on it died down. I knew it would to an extent but the time of his messages changed. Not sexual anymore more exchanging pleasantries with a friend.

A week ago I kind of snapped over text and said I'm making an effort but you sound completely different. He also sent me in error a picture of another girl. An innocent pic but obviously meant for someone else, she was asleep or something.
I said to him just crack on and have fun and he responded defensively, saying he just couldn't message me as much. Also there were other girls in the scene and as we weren't exclusive he feels funny being sexual with me and feels bad. But he still wants to keep in touch/ meet up when he's back in Lobdon.
Now the messaging has come almost to a halt. I can see on social media he's having loads of fun there and you can see where this is going. His latest posts are like a different guy tbh.

There was something about this guy and the stuff he said that was so deep and meaningful and now it's like nothing. I don't know why I'm so disproportionately hurt but I adored him. Absolutely adored him.

Honestly I wish I hadn't have snapped. It was immature of me but I knew he changed. If he really wanted to keep in touch he would. Even just write one line. He's totally cut of from me and he kind of admitted that but just while he was away. I think that's quite shitty although we didn't really have anything but we were close :(

We honestly shared so much. I've been a total idiot but what should I do now? Shall I just chalk this up to a nice date and forget him? :(

May I just ask. Those who have said block him - why?

Block him so you can't be sucked back in to interacting with him.

To give yourself a break and discourage your urge to reform him! Purely for your own benefit, nothing to do with whether or not "he did you wrong". There is truth in the posts that suggest he just did what daters do without real harm intended.

I'm not sure you've been duped, he didn't shag you, but intense expressions of feelings are rarely a good sign. People who get intense quickly can often switch off just as quickly.

Block and move on. You had one date, he's not worth the headspace.

Ok.
No I don't think he did me wrong as such. But I didn't snap out of the mode of contact as quickly as he did. No one to blame. Just depressing I guess.

I think it's hard to believe that these types are so revoltingly shallow.

My ex-DH who was an abusive jealous pig was constantly begging/stalking to have me back after I finally got rid and literally one hour after one begging session I happened to see some messages he had sent to his friends wife (yeah really) about how he had never felt this way about anyone, never had such a connection.

It was at that point I realised that there really is no depths to these types. Fast love is always shallow love.

Block him for that reason. It will only bring drama and pain.

"People who get intense quickly can often switch off just as quickly."

Interesting! I'm only intense for people I genuinely feel something for!

This sounds like quite a usual thing for OLD - not done it myself, but I've a friend who's been through this sort of thing a few times.

It's odd, but after hearing her tales, I'd probably consider the 'good morning' and 'good night' texts - plus any overblown intensity right at the beginning - a mega warning sign tbh.

Logically you cannot have deep feelings very quickly.

You may have intense feelings but by definition they cannot be deep.

I think its an automatic red flag to anyone who 'falls quickly' - they do that all the time meaning you are not that special and will move on quickly and ghost you quickly, as you have just found out

The constant messaging and him going away for 8 weeks rings alarm bells. Too much too soon. I think it's a quite common tactic on OLD when they've reeled others in and cannot focus solely on you.

People recommending you block him are right. For your own sanity and to avoid putting temptation in your way. It's nothing to do with him, the advice given here is to help you.

Thank you. X

Recently, a friend found out that her DH had been messaging another girl and actually having a full blown relationship with her. The messages he sent to her were exactly the same as those he sent to his wife, same santiments, same pet names. The ow phoned and asked who she was when she became suspicious about his absences. Texting and talking on the phone is easy and the connection can seem incredibly deep.

I'm sorry this has happened to you, OP, it's a hard lesson when someone pulls away and you realise that they don't care as much as you.

It is a hard lesson but better learned sooner rather than later!

Good luck OP we've all been there too, easy to do!

I'm honestly shocked. Seemed so sincere.

The faster they heat up, the faster they cool.

Indeed

It seemed so real. Why would he write every day, tell me constantly how great I was? How special it was and how you've never connected like this before. The details of how amazing the date was?

This would immediately get my suspicions up.

He was love bombing you. Till something "better" came up.

Nobody in real life would be that OTT on a first date.

Beware. As soon as he's back in town he may start again.

At least you didn't sleep with him, you would probably feel a lot worse if you had. The same thing happened my friend recently, it's very upsetting

Thanks guys.

yrs I felt love bombed but it felt so mutual - it WAS an amazing date. Sorry after tonight I'll just put it aside. I needed to thrash it out a bit though. X

How special it was and how you've never connected like this before
it's a pretty standard line

I'm embarrassed for friends if they boast that some guy they slept with said they'ld "never been so turned on by a women in their life" - it's so standard it's actually insulting!

It turns me right off when they start with that nonsense. It will for you now, live and learn.

Why would he write every day, tell me constantly how great I was?

Because it works.
It's worked for him before, it worked for him with you, it'll work for him again with other women. That's why.

If you are really just after a "friends with some sex" situation then this might work. But you really don't sound like you are. There seems to be too much investment on your part. Snapping at him indicates that you wanted some kind of commitment.

He was away. In those circumstances I would expect minimal contact until you were in a position to meet up. I am dating a guy at the moment. We're non-exclusive. He went away for 6 weeks after we'd been seeing one another for 4 months. We barely texted at all in that time. Now he's home, we're back to texting most days.

Sending you a picture of another woman is weird though. Who does that? I manage simultaneous relationships without texting people the wrong stuff. It's basic manners.

I can understand why you feel so hurt. It's easy to say from an outsiders position that you shouldn't fall for this stuff, but when you are in it, and being made to feel amazing...its not so easy. I would generally agree about being wary of men who are very intense and sure about you early doors.
I am very quick to shut down any of that, just laugh and say "don't be daft, you barely know me. And I haven't made up my mind about you either!"
My current chap was just smitten right from the start, and showed it , was very open about how much he liked me. I basically assumed I was being love bombed, he would probably just ghost me out of the blue, rolled my eyes and enjoyed the nice sex. Thing is 6 months later he's still here..I am now having to accept that maybe (maybe)he is actually genuine
So, dust yourself off OP, chalk it up to experience and re enter the fray.
The right man will understand that you are wary, won't push you or pressure you, and will just be there.

Always amazes me how many women still fall for this bullshit in this day and age.

move on and don't fall as quickly. I tend to find keep em guessing is the best way!

It just didn't seem like bullshit.
He is away but think it's fair even for a casual thing to cut someone off so abruptly. Esp if you like them.
I was still sending I miss you texts and he just blocked off. I did tell him the sending wrong image was insensitive he didn't get that at all!
But I certainly get the message now.
I feel better about it today. Just a bit silly really.
Thank you guys so much.