new baby - no time for 'us'

[BBLucy1891]

We're absolutely delighted that we're parents to a 6 month old baby girl...so as a little family we are happy. However I'm ever conscious of just how little time I spend with my partner alone...literally none. By the time he gets home from work I'm wrecked and have about 2 hours before I fall asleep, usually right after I put baby to bed. That 2 hours is spent, with baby, frantically preparing food, answering the constantly ringing phone, dealing with baby/shopping/housework (just the real basics - we're not houseproud at all). At weekends there seems to be a constant barrage of visitors and grandparents, who want tea/chat/a tidy house as well as time with baby (none of them are "easy" in the sense that I can leave the baby with them for lengths of time, one set are elderly and the other lives several hours drive away and is so high-maintenance that it ends up not being particularly relaxing having her around). Even if they do babysit, and we get an hour (with them probably feeding her sweets) we can't be in the house so we go for a slightly stressed-out drink in our local or a walk. We can't very well say we're going to bed...if you catch my drift!! Plus, honestly, we're so tired even if we got 20 minutes to ourselves we'd be too exhausted for sex. I am studying full time and looking after baby, OH works full time and does extra shifts to make ends meet. How the hell do other parents find time for themselves? I love him, but I'm shattered, and feel that all our love and attention (both of us, he's just as bad) goes to the baby. Is this just 'it' now? How are second babies ever conceived?

A tip re the finding time for sex. It is important to keep this going in some shape or form. But I found late at night became the worst time in the day because I was so worn out and couldn't care less. Instead what you can do is, as soon as the baby is asleep in the evening, just run upstairs and have a quick one - even if you are not in the mood. And try to do that once a week or once every couple of weeks or whatever you can manage at this stage. That 10mins is well worth making the effort for to keep you both feeling like you still have that grown up life together.
You won't have those opportunities anymore where you and him are just lying around in bed with no one else in the house. So you have to try to agree a new way of doing things.

Oh yes, have sex even if you're not in the mood, great advice

Sorry, that sounds harsher than I meant but come on, the baby is 6 months old, you have the rest of your lives together to have sex. It's important to stay close but you don't have to have sex unless you want to and definitely not out of ' duty.'

My kids are older now (11 and 9yrs) and I find it even harder now! They just stay up too late. I'm frequently asleep before them.

Anyway, me and DH were never really late night shaggers, and used to have more Sunday morning sex. This goes out of the window too though with young children.

I remember frequently locking ourselves in the bathroom or the utility room for a quickie. It was very romantic but the 'quick chance' element made it all a bit more risqué and quite a turn on! You go have to get quite inventive.

These days we're just as tired though. 10 years older, career stepped up, kids more demanding. You do just have to find a way xx

It's difficult but possible. I have a 6 month old and 2 teenage stepchildren who live with us and we both work full time. That helps in a way as we have enough money to have a cleaner, hire a babysitter for a date night every few weeks and we've managed a few weekends away just the 3 of us. We try to get home related admin done in our lunch breaks and make phone calls on our way to and from work. Baby tends to be in bed for 7 then I make dinner whilst DH tidies round and makes sure everything sorted for the next day. We then get a couple of hours to watch tv, chat, have a glass of wine in the garden, have sex, whatever. We are very organised, meal plan religiously, shop in Aldi which takes literally 10 minutes twice a week.

Sadly, you are both doing full time jobs (baby or work), plus overtime and studying. It's the way its going to be for a while. Use the weekends to recharge and cut down the visits from relatives.