i need a bit of a hug

[Peonylass]

I have put on previous threads about my passive aggressive husband, and wanting to end the relationship as I can't cope with things any more.

Things came to a head yesterday. He is no longer being paid at work (he is off sick with depression, for months now, and not contacting them) he refused to come to an event with me so I went alone, then realized that I had last been to that venue on our honeymoon nearly 10 years ago. I was randomly bursting into tears. Made a tit of myself crying in front of male friends, even.

This morning I still felt awful and decided to let it all out. I haven't asked him to leave but have told him that I can't be in this relationship any more. Not as it stands. I am utterly wrung out and he is quite clearly gobsmacked. Urgh..

Hi Peony

I think you've got a good plan.

As you say, nothing is urgent at the moment.

It's great you are disengaging and moving forward with your personal plans for dieting, etc. It's very important to function alone and build your self-esteem. Spend as much time as you can with good people who are supportive. Don't feel alone as that will make your situation seem more overwhelming.

You can keep a detached watch on your husband's actions to see if he is following through on promises. If he is still letting you down and not taking this seriously, at some point you will be ready to break away.

Good luck on the au pair search. That will really help you when you get one.

I am a bit in limbo with my H. He's stepped up a bit in terms of stuff at home, but not with work. I find I don't really have anything to say to him. He's been quite needy to be honest, constantly asking me questions eg how do I?

I may have possibly found an au pair though.

Quite separately I have had a bit of a crush on a male friend. I have no intention of doing anything and it's been a bit painful really as I like them to stay a friend. I confided in a mutual friend to get a reality check as I was scared I would blurt it out and it turns out that they had a secret fling a few years ago. She's been on the warpath over it. Doh!

hugs

Thanks

Urgh I have had a bit of a smack down from the guy I fancy. I just happened to pop into the pub he drinks in to say hi. My h has taken the kids out and messaged me to say they were not going to be home. Got chatting and When I went to leave he said 'don't make a habit of this' and 'I'm not having a go'. I just said I wouldn't. In the long term it's better to know to wind my neck in, but ouch.

The guy wouldn't have been right for me, so hopefully now I can friend zone him and move on. I am feeling very sorry for myself though. Argh

I am sure my friend has also said something. She's away at the moment but I know she was really upset about it. If I had known about her interest in him I would never have dared say anything. Well we'll see if we can be friends again.

We've been on holiday, H and I have managed to coexist. It's not been great, he was a bit whiny and irritable. He then tried to go back to work but they have offered him a redundancy package as they managed without him for months.

Hopefully he will take it and finally start job hunting. I've been at home today and he's been asking me all kinds of inane questions. I put the kids into day camp thinking we would need it, so I am hoping that he will spend that money wisely. It wasn't cheap.

No au pair yet, though I have gone for a job which would either mean working away or relocating.