Advice please, problems with DH

[Baymarie]

Would really appreciate some advice please. DH and I had a blazing row this morning over something really stupid, but it escalated really badly, ending in me slapping him and him pinning me down and shouting. We have never had a physical fight before, but have had some pretty nasty rows. Am really ashamed of both our behaviour. Has anyone been to Relate, do you think it would help? I really don't want our kids growing up with this sort of thing. All advice apprecaited, thanks.

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I think it's quite normal to have a row...and even if it did get phisycal...it wasn't that heavy...wasn't it...?

it did happen few times between me and my dh...I wouldnt' worry too much...
I think it's part of the passion...

but if kids are watching it's not too good for them........

see how is he now.....

usually me and dh ........we feel sorry quite soon and hug each other,,,,

How are you both now? Is he feeling as bad about it as you are? Have you both made up and apologised? Maybe you could both turn this into something positive and let it be a "wake up" call if you like, to agree to treat each other with more respect and find ways together to stop things before they escalate to that point again. If he hasn?t calmed down and is still angry about it, even after a little time out, then maybe anger management counselling might help.
There are often underlying stresses at play when people argue over little things - is there anything you can think of that triggered this particular row? Once you become aware of triggers or hot topics that evoke strong reactions, it becomes a lot easier to resolve than just general continual rowing over "nothing".

Is he equally horrified by what happened?
I think the fact that you are not brushing it off or making excuses is a good sign. Don't panic - perhaps it might help for both of you to talk through what happened, and maybe come up with one thing each which helps the other feel less frustrated and incensed. e.g - 'I will do my best not to interrupt you when you are trying to exxplain something', 'I will do my best not to swear / call you names when I get angry'. Then think of one positive thing you can do each day that the other person misses - e.g 'I will remember to thank you for something you have done for you or our children today' 'i will remember to compliment you each day'.

Don't panic...iand good luck. f you feel it happen again, I would thing counselling would be a good thing.

I think you're right to be concerned, baymarie, as I believe crossing the line from a verbal argument into a physical encounter is significant.
I don't have any experience of Relate, but I think it makes sense to investigate that route.
I think you're doing the best thing for your family by wanting to get advice on this, and I hope someone will be along soon with some specific ideas for you.

Thanks, think he is pretty upset by it too, he has gone out for a while so we could both calm down a bit. Think it is definatley a wake up call

He has still not calmed down, he is fuming, thinks it was all my fault (obv the arguement before, I know I was to blame for making things physical), he won't accept the idea of Relate in any way, shape of form and thinks we should 'just not do it again'. Feel at a loss, as I think something like this needs something more than, oh, we just won't do it again,

Would it help if you left the subject until the children are in bed this evening?
You'll hopefully both be calmer by then, and can talk it through more easily.

Think will do that, really don't want to risk a row in front of kids, thanks

You may need to deal with this separately in your own ways - sweeping sexist cliche, but blokes do tend to deal with this kind of thing by thinking about it alone and not talking, whereas women like to chew it over. Talking about it might make it worse and harder for him - some blokes just get confused and stressed by picking these things over which really doesn't help them. As long as he knows it's not OK then that's a good place to be for now - he's already said it won't happen again. Can you take him at his word for now and see how it goes?

If counselling would help you get some for yourself - you can go to Relate alone or your GP will be able to recommend counsellors.

If the kids saw/heard the row, make sure they see/hear you make up too.

I think you are right, he is much more of a thinker, whreas I would rather talk, even when perhaps he doesn't want to. Things are a lot calmer now, kids are in bed and we both had a long chat about it, we both agreed that we never want anything like it to happen again. Have agreed to try and be more respectful of each other, if it happens again (am fairly sure it won't), will definately be off to Relate.
Thanks for all advice, it has really helped me to get other viewpoints on this.