Help

[Emmit91]

I have never spoke to anyone before about this.

I have been with him for 5 years. Love him dearly. We have a son together. He's 14months. We have had a perfect relationship. But last 7 months. There's been something wrong. He's been speaking too his family and friends about a rough patch we went threw at the start off the year. But I didn't know we went threw that so I'm a bit confused.

He just doesn't seem the same. He's going out by himself. On one hand it's not like I can go when I'm settling our son but he's just seems happy to go. He works a lot. So I feel I should be great full which I am but I have too instigate the I love yours or I miss u he just never seems to do it him self anymore like he used too. I stopped working a week before I gave birth. And I just feel like he's getting bored off me.

I have anxiety and never left the house by my self for nearly a year after he was born. It's not like I never show him affection I always do. I show him my making sure he doesn't have too do anything in the house or worry about well anything really. And I'm always making sure he's okin every way.

He's just different. It's more like a business than a partnership. He's been out with friends and to party's and I'm just so left out.

I'm so emotional that for the past few months I've been crying my self to sleep. A wreck. I try not to show him because he just gets annoyed asking why and what have I got to worry about etc.

We have always planned for more children. But he told me recently that that's a definite no go......

I love him so much. I want too be with him but I just think he's getting bored and is basically falling out off love with me.

I just don't know what to do. I give him all the freedom he wants. I try and keep myself happy but I'm struggling. I don't have any friends. And have little family who I can't confide in. That's why I'm here too just see what other people say. Any helpful advice. I'm just so lonely. Thank you.

I know what it is like to have anxiety and wanting to stay hidden in the house all the time so congratulations on beginning to rise about that.
It is very difficult to know with anxiety if what we feel is real or part of the anxiety. I do not think you should be allowing DP all the freedom he wants without knowing where he is going etc. That seems a lack of communication, He seems to have changed his mind about more children, this could be that he was shocked by all the pregnancy and birth stuff or it could mean all sorts of other things,
You maybe need to sit down and talk everything out.

So he's telling everyone your relationship was rocky 6-7 months ago, but this is the first you've heard of it? Oh, dear. Since this imaginary rocky patch, he's essentially checked out of your relationship and is carrying on a personal life without you :(

This sounds very much as though he's seeing someone else, or at best (sorry!) has become involved in some other lifestyle which is more important to him than his home life. When people realise they're cheating their partner of the relationship they deserve, they create a narrative to 'explain' it - to themselves as much as anyone else. The story invariably tells of a flagging relationship with an unresponsive, unloving, overly demanding partner. It's a lie, but they believe it.

I don't feel you should be blaming your anxiety. Having a baby's very disruptive but it sounds as though you protected him from as much as you could. This must have left you exhausted and living on your nerves. A caring, grown-up partner would have shouldered as much of the work as needed for you to relax, and helped you feel safe.

There's a truism that the partner who checks out of the relationship is the one who invested in it the least. This is another reason why it's not actually a good idea to "do everything" or "give everything" to a partner. Healthy relationships have an equal balance of power & responsibility, not one giver and a taker.

It's marvellous that you're starting to feel better in yourself. I'd hate to think your perfectly natural concern about the state of your relationship might set you back. You do need to have things out with him, yes - even though it will be unpleasant. I think you need, as well, to get moving on your own activities out of the home and to expect/demand more input from him. I can't tell how this will work out for you, but I do know it's very important for your own well-being.