Hi
My boyfriend has been depressed for the past three months following the death in January of his brother.
He's losing weight and drinking isolating himself. It is not like he is sitting there drinking and crying all day, he still goes to work and does activities but he is just different and I don't know what to do or how to handle it.
I have suggested bereavement counselling and he palms me off. I think he acts "normal" in front of everyone else but finds it harder in front of me so he has been avoiding me and has thrown up an emotional wall between us.
Some weeks he is normal sort of with me, and then weeks pass where he won't see me or speak to me or even reply to texts for days and at times even weeks.
I have tried to give support as much as I can but he pushes me away and seems to be behaving in ways to almost try and force me to end the relationship.
His behavior is sometimes really selfish, which is nothing like him, and he often seems to not care at all if he does hurtful things to me.
He constantly says how beautiful / wonderful I am and how I deserve better and how he is not good enough for me and this is nothing like the person I knew. He was so confident and optimistic.
He avoids seeing me, avoids intimacy, he doesn't talk to me about what is going on in his head, he won't let me see him cry and at the same time he tells me I am his reason for waking up in the morning - his last happy thing but he seems to have no idea why I love him.
I have taken the tact of trying to just flow with whatever his moods are. When he wants to speak to me and see me, I do that and try and make it easygoing and fun and when he wants to isolate himself I sent a text a day or so.
Each time he ignores me I feel completely heartbroken and confused. Sometimes I text him, and he will be online on whatsapp for hours and not even read my message. It's knocking me down every time he does that and I cry and feel like walking away but he doesn't seem to want me to do that.
Can anyone help?
I really love him.