your relationship with your mother.

[baldrick]

I don't know about anyone else here but am always analysing the relationship that I have with my mother, who I love to bits btw. I wonder often if I'm a nice daughter for her to have (which I'm sure I am)....but the thing I am really curious about is the amount of time other mumsnetters spend with their mothers, face to face, or on the phone...feel I should be having conversations with her more than once a week and feel it's probably normal to do so...thing is as she doesn't ring me every week I tend to be a bit slack and can go for 3 weeks (btw we are similar but not that similar) any thoughts.

My mum, although a retired teacher and well into her seventies, has such a busy life that if I rang her often she would hardly ever be in. We tend to take it in turns to ring every few weeks and then talk for hours catching up with all our news. My relationship with my mum has always been difficult for me as she is v. bossy but I appreciate what a good job she did parenting me (as I think I've turned out ok) so I always let her off and would never enter into an argument with her since I've been an adult.

My relationship with my mum seems to get more fraught as I get older. Someone wiser than me said it's cos I'm getting more independent, becoming my own woman as I've grown in confidence now I'm older, married, with kids etc. and at the same time she's getting older, feeling more vulnerable.I sometimes think she feels resentful/ envious that I have a good marriage and she didn't, and I have a more comfortable life- though dh works damn hard for it! I find it difficult when she's always complaining, even though she's not that old and in good health. I try to put myself in her position and realise she must be lonely. But weekly conversations can be rather draining even if I try to steer clear of certain subjects.

to know someone is to talk/ spend regular time with them; even if they are your family who you are supposed to know...reason get so questionable is because I don't have any in-laws, dh's father and mother both passed away and he never sees his siblings as they're really selfish (he for years has been doing all the giving) and my mother and I live 250 miles apart and sometimes envy these close families, who are familiar with each other's day to day business...we have friends yes and my family who we visit but I find it quite hard never seeing his family, feel like am missing out....am moaning yes but I bet 95% of mumsnetters have inlaws they can can talk too...(although reading some posts, some people wish they had another mil/fil....sorry for rambling but just wanted to explain my situation
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my mother is hard work. Love yes but if we share the same space for more than 48 hours, we disintegrate in spectacular style. She brings out the worst in me totally.
I text her rather than talk to her, we are close unbelieveably so, our angst is not from similarity but resentment left over from childhood, issues so diverse as rejection, criticism, favouritism toward my brother, violence, blame, divorce (cos she was bored with my dad who then died of a heart attack soon after she left) guilt blame guilt balme and so on...
She also slapped my son when he was little and I floored her, things got better after that, she has never bullied me again, but she undermines me, thankfully my dp is strong with her and she loves him for it!
We talk once a week maybe... we see her about once every 6-8 weeks, she lives 300 miles away at present.
Long story sorry not really what you asked is it